You Can't Make This Kind of Thing Up

By Miss Demeanor

I told Miss Adventure that since my last two posts have talked about some of the challenges of singlehood, I’d make sure my next post was about the joys of singlehood. There are many, to be sure. In fact, one of my closest friends is really struggling in her marriage, and I truthfully told her that having been on both sides (adult married and adult single) without kids, I have no doubt that being single is easier. It’s not easy, nor is it perfect, but it is easier in most ways.

Anyway, in another post I’ll elaborate on the many joys of singlehood, because this is just too great to keep under wraps :) I hope that it makes you laugh, because it made me laugh.

I was over at my best girl’s house and she was showing me some of her eHarmony matches. One of her eHarmony date stories brought to mind a similar story that I had when I tried eHarmony for 6 months several years ago, so I committed to recalling the details from 3+ years ago. Luckily, my email provides unlimited storage, so I really can find nearly anything. When I resurrected this email, I had to share it. This is the text (name changed to protect the guilty) of the email I sent to a girlfriend right after this event occurred in early 2006:

Okay, lest you think I was exaggerating about fanny pack / sucrose boy.... He used to have a profile called "Adam" (his name) and it's still in my 'closed' file on eHarmony. Here is the picture that was posted there. As I have shared with you, I didn't think he was fine, but I felt like he was remotely attractive based on his picture (nice eyes, pretty smile, etc.).

Of course, as you well know, he didn't look anything like that when I met him for dinner. Next, I received this email earlier this week:

Hi Miss Demeanor,
it seems that eHarmony has matched our profiles again,
leading to a very interesting story to tell and some
thanks I have to offer for something you started back
in August. The first week I was in LA I had a date
lined up with you, courtesy of advance planning
through eHarmony. After things didn't work out I
decided to take a minute to think about what happened,
what I could have done differently, etc. My basic
conclusion was that I was boring, a stiff. You were
fun, outgoing, expressive, telling jokes and generally
being the life of the party whereas I had all the
personality and charm of your average rock. I didn't
move to LA to be my same old boring scientist self so
I immediately began to think about what to do
differently. This line of thinking in combination with
being brand new in town resulted in an explosion, a
transformation into a new person. I bought an exotic
sports car, hotter than a Ferrari and of course it's
red. Next I talked to the prettiest female friend I
have and asked her to help me develop some expressive
LA style. During several shopping trips to Melrose,
Beverly Hills and Santa Monica we totally overhauled
my wardrobe, out with the monocolor boring stuff and
in with red dress shirts, purple and multicolor design
ones, shiny gold and silver satin shirts, etc. Perhaps
most importantly I have become much more expressive in
my personality, I got into the performing arts in a
big way and am composing and playing music regularly,
with a pre-deal for my first CD release this fall. I
have also gotten into film and television, founded my
own production company and got really well hooked up
with the American Film Institute and other groups. In
general I am also much more smooth and confident in
demeanor, not as tentative and uncertain as I was in
the first weeks of being here. After having
overhauled things inside and out I began going out to
bars and clubs regularly and meeting with great
success. After a while of that I decided to try
eHarmony again, to look for something more substantial
and longer term. Imagine my surprise when your name,
face and profile showed up as a match. When I saw it I
had to stop and think, to realize that you started me
on the path of self-analysis, leading through
transformation and resulting in improvement. This
being the case I want to say thanks very much, things
are so much better for me now and you were the spark
that lit the fire.

Best regards,
Adam

p.s. my new profile is listed as "newname". I have changed
my look since last we met and you can see this in the
updated pics

(end email)

In case you care, I didn't contact him again. He's probably married while I'm blogging on Confessions of a Thirty-Something Single Woman ;-)