What Goes?

By Miss Adventure

I've been away from this blog now for over a month. I haven't been on some grand adventure (or misadventure as my name would lead you to believe), I have simply been to busy to be creative and thoughtful. It is the unfortunate nature of the area for those of us living in Southern California (or so I've been told). We fill our plates so full we don't have time to do what needs to be done. I have that problem. Although, it will be lessened some this month because I finished one of my classes last week that I have been taking. Working a full-time job, being a student working on another credential and masters, doing fieldwork for that credential, keeping up with my other ministry obligations, AND trying to maintain a healthy spiritual, family, and social life can be trying. Amen?

So, if something has to go, what should it be? Often I am made to feel that the first thing to go should be the social life. I would argue that as a single person though, a social life is extremely important. I have heard people talk about how selfish single people can be, they should be doing more, etc. The expectations often seem to be that if you are single, you should be the one to work more, volunteer more, etc. In fact, I've seen many friends that will take up the slack because they want their co-workers to be able to be with their families. Not that there is anything wrong with this and not that singles should not make sure they are pulling their weight in these areas. But really, should I be penalized or treated differently because I have not been blessed with a spouse or children?

It dawned on me one day when I heard someone talking about single people and how selfish they think they are, that there is a valid reason we as singles need to keep a strong social life and that is because often our friends become our family when our family is too busy with their own families. I know my family would be there for me if I really needed them, and I know they care about me, but let's face it - their obligation is to their spouses and their children first. That is as it should be. Also, we don't always live in close proximity to our families.

There are things that just seem to be a little harder when you are single (now, this is not to say our lives are harder than those not single - it's not a contest of who has the harder life. There are just different difficulties with each). I realized this when I was thinking about how hard it is to take my car in to get it serviced. When I lived with my parents, it seemed this was trivial - someone in the family home would go with the person and drive the other car. If a car was needed - usually there was more than one person with a car that could switch it out. If I want to take my car in it all gets a little more complicated or expensive if I have to rent a car. Of course, I think being a teacher makes this a little harder too because work hours are not flexible. Sure, they have a shuttle to take me to work, but it would get me there 10 minutes late - not a good option for a teacher. All this to say that I am especially grateful that I have a very positive relationship with my non-relative roommate/friend who was willing to help me out or switch cars. Of course, I also have wonderful parents who are willing to go out of their way to help me in this situation too - simply put, I am blessed to have such a helpful family. Not all singles are that blessed to have such positive familial relationships. Thus, friends become even more important.

Honestly, too, if I want to get married, I must be meeting people - hence a healthy social life. I have certainly discovered it's true that it seems to be harder the older you get to meet someone as well. Of course, a good way to meet someone - friendly or romantically - is by doing something you enjoy - volunteering, etc. So, it is good for single people to be out there volunteering and helping out when help is needed. Still, I think for myself, these are all reasons that I do guard my social time.

Besides, the Bible is very careful about saying how important relationships are to build and maintain. My pastor continually reminds us of this passage in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10:

⁹Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor;

¹⁰For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Of course, he frequently uses this in reference to joining a small group, with which I completely agree. That's part of the reason why my time with my small group - whether it is for spiritual reasons or social reasons - is so important. They become family too.

So, in the end, how do I manage it all? I really don't know. Something does have to be cut out eventually, but that must be an individual choice about which you pray - not something you are guilted into (or out of), not what others think, but what you believe is best for your life goals and the direction in which you believe the Lord is leading.