I wouldn’t have traded this for the world

By Miss Demeanor

It’s been over 6 months since I last posted on this blog. Time flies! This has been a busy year, with a new city, new apartment, new job, new church… a new life in many ways.

I realize, though, that I never finished my story about the blessings on the back end of my obedience over a year ago. Sometimes, I think the blessings that God gives us are not obvious. Sure, we see blessings, but not necessarily in direct correlation to something we said or did correctly. We have faith that God is at work, and that He has good plans for us. But we don’t clearly see the blessing that is a result of our obedience. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to see a blessing that is a direct result of our obedience. A blessing in the exact same area of life. I don’t think it happens very often, but it does happen sometimes. And when it happens, we need to burn it into our hearts and minds so we can recall it when we need a boost of faith.

For me, I haven’t had to “burn” this blessing into my mind or heart, because I see him every day and he makes my heart sing. I am a lucky girl indeed.

So here is the rest of the story that I started telling earlier this year. I was finally obedient to God and told “the other guy” that I couldn’t see him anymore. And I meant it. It’s been over a year now, and I don’t really talk to him though I still pray for his salvation when I think of him. Within days of breaking off that relationship (because he didn’t share my faith), I was on vacation with a very good friend of mine. We had planned the trip several months in advance, and the reason for the trip was to use some Disney World passes that we had purchased together some 5 years earlier. When I landed in Orlando (we flew in from different cities so he landed hours before me), I informed him that I had broken it off with “the other guy” and I just needed to have a fun time. He agreed that we’d focus on having a nice weekend, and it was already off to a great start with the beautiful 2-bedroom condo he had for us.

The four days we spent in Orlando were fantastic, in spite of some challenging circumstances. The weather was HOT. It was already October, but it was in the upper 90s with high humidity the entire time we were there. The parks were busy, and everyone was moving s l o w l y because of the heat. Our luggage was lost (long story), he had to take an overnight flight from the west coast through JFK and down, and we missed the shuttle so many times that I lost count. Even in the midst of conditions that should have made us cranky, we had a wonderful vacation. We laughed, we smiled, and we generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I won’t bore you with the details, but there was a point at the end of our trip when we realized that, after 6 years of knowing each other (most of which we’d been good friends), we felt like perhaps there should be something more. He said something like “You know I’ve been praying that God would make me into the man I need to be in order to be worthy of the kind of wife I want.” (Yes, I did know that, and it’s a wonderful prayer to be praying.) He continued, “You’re one of my best friends and I can’t imagine anyone else who I could have had as much fun with this weekend, especially with everything that happened.” (Yes, we did have a good time.) But then he threw me for a loop, “I realize that you have all the characteristics and qualities I want in a wife, so why aren’t we dating?”

We discussed the challenges of dating one of your best friends, someone who lives 400 miles away, and other things that were important. And ultimately, we decided that we’d give it a shot. He teases me now that I needed some convincing, but the reality is that it didn’t take much. Looking back, I realize that there is no other explanation than God for how we both started having romantic feelings for each other at the same time after literally years of never having any such feelings. (That’s right, at no time in those nearly 6 years had either of us had romantic feelings for the other person. People doubt it, but it’s the truth.)

When I split up with “the other guy,” one of my closet friends laughed when I relayed to her that I told him he might be “Satan’s A Game,” but she also agreed. She prayed with me that God would give me the strength to make the right decision and be obedient, and she prayed that He would bless my obedience. That prayer rang in my ears the following week, as I embarked on a new journey with a man who had previously been one of my very good friends.

Today, that man is my best friend. Next week, we celebrate a year of dating. That year has been full of goodness, and in a year ripe with tests on both sides, we have been the bright spot for each other. Of course, our relationship isn’t perfect because we’re both imperfect people, but our relationship is the healthiest, best relationship either of us have ever had in our combined 35 years of dating. Amidst a variety of trials, I am learning (slowly) to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and he’s helping me to do that. He clearly possesses the 7 non-negotiable qualities I wrote down almost 6 years ago, and he doesn’t have any of my 7 dealbreakers. Even better, he has many of the traits that I wanted to put on my “list” but had to remove as I whittled it down to 7 and 7. God has given me everything I need, and even things I desire. (And by the way, he had a journal in which he described the woman he was seeking, and I fit the bill even though he didn’t see it in me for 6 years!)

I admire his spiritual leadership. He holds my hands and initiates prayer with me. He prays for friends of mine he’s never even met, because he knows they are on my heart. Although our backgrounds are different (he was raised in a Christian home, I came to know Jesus in my mid-20s; he prefers smaller churches, and I grew up spiritually in a mega-church; he likes order & structure in service and I tend to shy away from structured services), he found a church that we both enjoy and he invited me to join him at that church. He picks me up at my apartment every Sunday morning and we go to church together, where he puts his arm around my shoulders and keeps me warm. Although he grew up in a church where life groups and small groups didn’t exist, he spent time at our church’s leadership class one night last week to learn more about leading one of the life groups for men.

And I would have sacrificed all of this to be with “the other guy”? It seems crazy now, but that’s precisely what I would have done if I hadn’t obeyed God last year. Spiritual intimacy in a relationship is critical, and I was so ready to desert that need. It’s such a good reminder to me that God’s ways are so much better than my ways (Isaiah 55:9). That I need to abandon my desires and trust that God has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). That the race is not to the swift (Ecclesiastes 9:11). And how thankful I am that God’s purposes prevail despite my plans (Proverbs 19:21).

I’m not sure whether this whole “blessings on the back end of obedience” lesson would be better if it wasn’t about a romantic relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man I’m with and I am incredibly thankful to God that He continues to do exceedingly, abundantly more than I can ask (Ephesians 3:20). But it feels so trite and awkward to be writing about this on a blog for 30-something singles. At the same time, maybe it will be helpful to someone. God certainly blesses our obedience in life, but I find that 30-something singles tend to struggle especially in the romantic arena. So if that’s you, I pray that you will be obedient to God’s call on your life, trusting Him even when it doesn’t make sense. And I pray that you, too, will find abundant blessings on the back end of your obedience to Him.

If Only Fairy Tales Could Come True

By Miss Adventure

You know, as a little girl I always loved fairy tales because the handsome young prince would come and rescue the beautiful young princess. Now that I am older, I still love fairy tales and wish I were one of those princesses. Today, though, my biggest reason for wishing that is because I was just thinking about the ability both Cinderella and Snow White had to sing a little song and get all the little animals to come out and help her clean the house and in within a few minutes - it was sparkling once more. About the closest thing I have to that is dropping food on the floor and my dog, Hannah, coming to clean it up with her tongue or ants marching through my kitchen to feast on whatever crumbs may be about. Not quite what I had in mind.

If only fairy tales (or at least the Disney version) could come true....

About Loving Yourself

By Miss Adventure

From C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters

"The Enemy [God] wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour's talents - or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall. He wants each man, in the long run, to be able to recognise all creatures (even himself) as a glorious and excellent things. He wants to kill their animal self-love as soon as possible; but it is His long-term policy, I fear, to restore to them a new kind of self-love - a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbors."

There is so much in this book with which I can relate that it's scary! It's almost as if C.S. Lewis looked into my mind and wrote this book! When I read this passage, I thought, this is a blog for women. Really, everyone struggles with self and self-esteem; both men and women. As a woman who struggles with the concept of self and then in return, self esteem, I wanted to speak with other women about this. It's such an important dialogue for us - we need to understand we are not alone in our feelings and also that there are lies and tricks Satan uses to bring us down. The more we recognize this, the stronger we can grow.

I think that many of us struggle with our concept of self - who am I? What good am I? What makes me special? At what am I good? We may or may not be aware of our weaknesses - either we dwell on them or we ignore them (and some of us have what our weaknesses and strengths are all wrong!). I like to know what I am good at doing, but then I feel like I am bragging or being prideful if I acknowledge it, so instead my tendency growing up was to avoid acknowledging it.

God created us to be excellent, unique creatures with different strengths that can be used together as the body of Christ for the good of all mankind and to bring glory to him. We should be rejoicing in that - but rejoicing just as much in others as we do for ourselves. Too often we get this part wrong - we either rejoice too much in our own or too little in our own. It's quite funny how in order to make ourselves feel better we usually start pointing out the weaknesses of others.

I love that Lewis points out that when we are really able to love our neighbors, then we can begin to love ourselves. I see that as the ultimate concept of a healthy self-esteem which enables us to have a healthy sense of self. That, I believe, is when we really can work together as the body of Christ. That is why Satan wants us to believe the lies - either lies about ourselves or lies about others. The less we work together, the more selfish and defensive we are, the less work we can accomplish.

One of my favorite verses is found in Philippians 4:10-13:

¹⁰I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I think once you learn to be content - content with who God made you to be, content with the circumstances that He allowed you to be in - knowing He is there to take care of you and make things come together for His good - that contentment helps fight jealousy or envy. Instead, love for your neighbor is an easier reality. In return, love for yourself and who God made you to be is also easier.

Not that I think we as humans reach this lofty goal every day. For me, some days are better than others. Sometimes in my life, or some areas of my life, it is easier to be content and feel good about myself. Other times, it's not so easy. It's a daily work, a need for a constant reminder, but as verse 13 says, "I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

Beauty Tips for the Inner You

Miss Adventure

I received this at a Women's Brunch I attended with some of the women in my family. Great truths in here, so I thought I'd share it.

Beauty Tips for the Inner You

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness.

For beautiful eyes,

seek out the good in other people.

To lose weight, let go of stress

and the need to control others.

To improve your ears, listen to the word of God.

Touch someone with your love.

Rather than focus on the thorns of life,

smell the roses

and count your blessings.

For poise, walk with knowledge and self esteem.

To strengthen your arms,

hug at least three people a day.

To strengthen your heart,

give of yourself to others.

Don't worry and hurry so much.

Rather walk this earth lightly

and yet leave your mark.

Author Unknown

Couldn't Have Said It Better

By Miss Adventure

This link was sent to me by Miss Interpret (who hasn't written on here in a long time). The author said it well, so I will just let you click on the link and read this great article entitled "Driving Solo".

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/1599-driving-solo

Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person

By Miss Adventure

This link was sent to me by Miss Demeanor and while I'm not sure I agree with everything, it is pretty funny and I do think most single people can relate to it! Enjoy...

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/89007/19-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-single-person

Finally Some Real Women

By Miss Adventure

I have to applaud the fact that Lane Bryant created a commercial for their lingerie and used a plus size model. I have to kind of snicker at the term "plus size models". It simply means that these girls fit the average size of American women. The model being used was a size 12, 5 ft. 9 in., and 150 lbs. I am over four inches shorter than she is and I weigh less, but when you take the height differences into account that would make us around the same body mass index, which is within the healthy range. (Check out Crystal Renn and see what she looks like)

I also appreciate that in Glamour magazine, they have begun to showcase more and more women who also fit in the "plus size" category. They showed a picture of a woman who was pretty much naked (posed so that you didn't see too much). There was actually a roll at her stomach! I thought, wow, that looks like my stomach! Another woman had a larger derriere, and on it I thought I saw some faint stretch marks... stretch marks are another unpleasant thing to which I can relate.

The response to all of these models has been overwhelmingly in favor of using more of those who reflect the real woman versus the gaunt looking, paper thin models you see on a regular basis. When I think about the Victoria's Secret models, I wonder how much of a real woman I am seeing? How much is airbrushed out? If she is that thin, can she really have breasts that size naturally?

I love the Dove campaign commercials, too, that celebrate real women. They have a great video showing how they take a model, apply the make-up, do the hair, take the pictures, then change many of her features on the computer. This is what society wants to believe a women should look like? Does society really think that? I have to question this since we see the reactions toward these real models - how they are supported and celebrated by so many.

Of course, then I look at how I view myself. For many years of my life - the most formative years of self-esteem in my teens, I was a size 14. I was always critical of the way I looked and felt others were too. Were they? I'm sure some were, but I think it was definitely more molded by the media and comparing myself to what their distorted standard of beauty was than it was by people's real view of me. Then, in my mid 20's, I lost weight due to a month long backpacking trip in Europe as well as a real low point in my life during which I lost my appetite all together. I was finally closer to what I thought was the right weight and I felt much better about myself.

Here's the catch - I am healthier now than I was then. That's good! As a society we have a problem with obesity - it is an epidemic. We don't want to encourage unhealthiness - either being underweight or overweight. Diabetes is growing at an enormous rate and it's in my family. I need to be careful and watch it, but I love my sweets! As a society, how do we put pressure on remaining healthy but not be so vain and shallow to judge people on their size?

Even in my relationships I believe that two of my serious boyfriends would not have looked at me twice when I was a size 14, but they did when I was a 6/8. Still, I felt like that was the biggest I could be and still be acceptable to them. I stressed about my weight and their view of me - would they love me for inside more than the outside? I am a little heavier now than I was when I was dating them, but probably the healthiest I've ever been in regards to the amount of exercise I do today. Do we want health or do we want looks? Why can't we have both and celebrate healthy women? Look at all the paintings of the past! I remember being so surprised in my art history class my senior year when I saw art considered to be the greatest the world has seen and the women are voluptuous! No skinny, scrawny women; women with curves and softness that were celebrated and adorned! My friends and I would joke that we would have made great models back then!

When I see that Lane Bryant ad, it reminds me much more of the models of art past than the models of high fashion today. I applaud them for bringing it back and celebrating real women!