Blessings on the Back End of Obedience

By Miss Demeanor

Over two months ago, I had dinner with Miss Adventure, Miss Fortunate, and Miss Behavior (she’ll know who she is when she reads this, and she will read it because she’s a blog stalker, ha ha), and I committed to writing this blog. Then, work got busy (end of fiscal year), life got busy (I moved), I started a new job… and suddenly, I’m ridiculously delinquent on my commitment to write this blog.

Last week in Dallas, I was fortunate to have a break between a string of meetings and needing to be back at the airport. I texted a good friend and asked if he was around, and he was able to move some meetings so we could visit. I picked him up at his office and we headed to the local coffee house to catch up face-to-face on all the wonderful changes in our lives in the last year. He was married 6 months ago (to a woman he met 15 years ago) and got a nice promotion at work. My life was been a roller coaster for the last year, but the end result is fantastic and well worth it. As I shared the details with him, I admitted I am confidant that the blessings I’ve seen for the last few months are a direct result of my obedience to God. Especially when it wasn’t easy. And it’s especially noteworthy because my obedience is typically not my forte.

About a year ago, I read about a woman who had been praying that God would make her radically obedient. I thought to myself “What a wonderful prayer!” and I made it my own. I didn’t pray it daily, but I did pray it regularly. Over the course of the next 6 months, God changed my heart in a lot of ways and I ultimately felt led to quit my very stable job with a very good salary, having nothing lined up and possessing some fat mortgages. I thought that perhaps my radical obedience would be giving up my cushy life in Orange County and relocating to Sub-Saharan Africa. I also thought my radical obedience might be STAYING in Orange County if my heart really wanted to move to Africa. Either way, I was confidant that God had a plan, and that His plan was good and right.

Then, I met a man. He had just moved to Orange County, and we hit it off right away. We liked the same kind of music, dreamed of raising our kids in a foreign land speaking a foreign language, enjoyed each other’s company. He was vegetarian, practiced yoga, was very resourceful, and was humble. 40 years old, never married, no kids yet, wanted kids. I could go on, but you get the point. And he was the most Godly man I’ve ever met. He would wake up every morning at 5am to meditate with God. Sounds perfect for me, right? Well, the only problem was that his God isn’t Jesus. His God is some force, not really a person. And for me, that is a dealbreaker. It’s even a documented dealbreaker. (Five years ago I was in a women’s group and we wrote down the 7 non-negotiable qualities we must have in a husband, and the 7 characteristics that he absolutely must not have. Number one on my personal list of non-negotiable qualities in a husband is that he must love Jesus and be living for God. That may not matter to every woman, but that does matter to Miss Demeanor.)

That should be the end of my discussion about this man, but of course it’s not. Despite the obvious mutual attraction, I told him I wouldn’t date him because of our different spiritual beliefs. But my actions didn’t match my words and I did end up dating him. Seeing him several times a week. Talking to him on the phone regularly. I invited him to church and decided in my mind that if he didn’t come, I would tell him I couldn’t date him any longer. I told God I was going to quit seeing him. But he came to church with me (he admitted that he didn’t care about the message and he wasn’t interested in exploring Jesus, he just came to spend time with me). I spent more and more time with him and fell for this man’s many wonderful qualities.

I recalled times when friends of mine, who put their faith first in their lives, were dating men who had different spiritual beliefs. I tried to love and support them, but I struggled to understand why they would make a decision that was so obviously going to lead to pain. If a woman professes to love Jesus and her desire is to put God first in her life (no matter how effective she is at actually putting Him first every day), then dating a man who doesn’t share that desire is bound to cause problems. And yet, I found myself in the middle of that situation, experiencing how difficult it is to be IN the situation rather than looking at it from the outside. (Which was a great and important learning experience for me, because I know I’ll be much more understanding and compassionate the next time one of my girlfriends is in that situation.)

Faith was an important discussion between this man and me. He called his god “God” for me, rather than whatever force he would have called it otherwise. I wrestled with our relationship, with his faith, and with my faith. I doubted my faith, and during those dark days God woke me up at 3am or 4am to have me read verses in Colossians about not being deceived by fine-sounding arguments. Warning me about hollow and deceptive philosophy. Encouraging me to stand firm in my faith in Jesus Christ. Exhorting me to live in Christ, to stay rooted in God, and to strengthen my faith. I was able to cling to my faith, because a few friends knew what was happening and they were praying for me. At one point, I even told this man that he was either the man God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with, or he was “Satan’s A game.” Then God pointed me to Colossians 2:18, where He warns us not to let anyone who worships angels disqualify us for the prize (eternal life with God).

When I got to the point that I was confidant again in my faith, then I got mad at God. Certain that my God was real, and that He knew what was happening, I directed my angry sobs to Him. “Why, God?! I finally came to a place of peace, or at least I thought I did, about relationships. I thought I trusted You. I said that if You don’t have plans for me to be a wife and mother, then I trust in faith that it’s because You have better plans for me. And yet, now I realize that I don’t have the peace I thought I had. I do desire to be with a good man in a good relationship, and I do want to be a wife and mother. Why would You intentionally send me someone who has so many great qualities, yet is lacking the most important one?” I had my own pity party. And I prayed diligently for this man’s salvation.

I begrudgingly came to the point that I knew I needed to quit seeing this man. I was exhausted due to lack of sleep. For a week I had major stomach pains due to the internal war waging. I finally knew with certainty what God wanted me to do. And then, God reminded me of my prayer earlier in the year. God nudged me about being obedient, and I remembered that just 9 months ago I had been excited by a prayer to be radically obedient. Now God was calling me to be obedient in an area that I hadn’t expected, and I realized that I needed to obey. And it *was* radical to me. Much more radical than quitting my job without another position lined up, although at the time I resigned my position I was sure that my decision definitely qualified as “radical obedience” for that act of faith.

God also reminded me of a sermon that had really struck a chord with me a few months prior. One of my favorite pastors delivered a fantastic message about the blessings we find on the back end of obedience. At the risk of reducing an amazing sermon to six sentences…. When God calls us to obey in an area that doesn’t make sense to us (or He calls us to do something that we don’t want to do), we have to believe that God truly has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). With that faith, we then move forward believing that He truly knows best, and that He has our best interests at heart. In the end, we will see blessings that could not have been possible if we did not step forward in faith. The key is that we see the blessings on the BACK END of our obedience, rather than before we take the step of faith. If we could see the blessings before obeying, then there would be no faith. And Hebrews 11:6 assures us that “Without faith it is impossible to please God.”

I finally, with the strength of many people’s prayers, had the difficult conversation and told this man that I couldn’t see him anymore. In order to follow through, I had to play some mind games with myself. I compared my situation to Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice Isaac. (Writing this now, with the benefit of hindsight, it’s a little embarrassing to admit that, because killing your only son is clearly more challenging than breaking up with a guy!) I deluded myself into thinking that God would use my decision as a way to help this man wonder “Let me learn more about this Jesus, who is so important that she’s willing to not pursue this great relationship we have.” The conversation went well, he understood exactly why I was making the decision and he requested it. I do still pray for him, that some day he will know that his god is Jesus.

God always proves Himself faithful, and this situation was no exception. I was obedient, even when it was very difficult for me. And God has certainly blessed me in big ways since I made that decision. Within a week of the difficult conversation, I told someone “This is a blessing on the back end of obedience.” And I continue to see blessings related to obedience. This blog is already too long, so I’ll need to make this a 2-part blog and leave you in suspense. But suffice it to say, God really does always have blessings waiting for us. And I’m feeling incredibly blessed.

Princesses

Miss Adventure

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he? "

I love this quote from the movie, "A Little Princess"; such a beautiful movie and such a beautiful story of a daughter and her father. I rarely ever remember movie quotes but this particular one has stayed with me for years after I viewed the movie. I think because I relate well with the daughter in the movie. I am incredibly grateful to have a father in my own life who made me always feel like I was his princess. I also had a grandfather that did the same for me. We all need people in our lives who make us feel special. I think as women, we especially need that father figure in our lives to do that as well. I am so blessed to have had two.

This is bittersweet for me since my grandfather passed away this last week. It's incredibly sad to think that one of the two men who has treasured me the most in this life is no longer here on earth to do that. Even in the last few years when his health has been steadily declining, he still made me feel like I was so special and that I made his day by just being there. It didn't matter how I looked, what kinds of witty things I had to say, how old I was - because even being a woman past thirty, I still was his little girl.

I hope and pray that I have many many more years with my father. It is probably because I had such good men in my life that I didn't have a need to run to whatever man showed up ready to take advantage of a hurting woman and then try using them to fill that place in my heart that longs to be treasured like a princess. Too many women out there try filling that lonely, insecure place in their hearts with men that don't deserve their time of day. They consistently run to the wrong place for comfort and reassurance and then come up empty and broken.

I am one of the lucky ones to have had such a wonderful father, and I realize that many women did not have that in their lives. Not only that, no matter how wonderful of a man you may have in your life, they are human and will let you down at some point. There is a Father out there waiting to fill that void and can truly make you a princess - a daughter of the King.

Act like a princess worthy of that King. Believe you are a princess, even if you real father never told you that.

Disclaimer

By Miss Adventure

So, actually, this blog is not my inspiration, but a friend's. She sent me this email about a disclaimer she had to put on her page for her internet dating profile. It's sad but true - these were all inspired by real men that tried to communicate with her or even took her out on dates.

It just leaves me with one question - WHY? Seriously...no wonder we are still single at this age...

DISCLAIMER: Due to some recent (and not-so-recent) events, I am updating my profile to include the following disclaimer. If you can say yes to anything below, please do not message me; just move right along... and no, these are not a joke! I couldn't make this stuff up!

You are currently under house arrest and/or have anything electronic around your ankle; You are currently sleeping with your female roommate, but "it's only for her sake, she's lonely"; You are currently sleeping with your ex-wife; You still live with your ex-wife for "financial reasons"; You are helping your best friend cheat on his wife; You are currently married; You have been divorced more than three times; You have more than 4 children from more than 2 different women; You have been to prison; You currently have a warrant out for your arrest; You are currently (or were very recently) addicted to anything (including but not limited to alcohol and/or meth); You are looking for someone to fund your next business venture; You currently live with your parents; You have not had a job for more than a year; You run a Nigerian (or other) scam; You are in this country illegally; More than half of your teeth are not real; and... ready for this one... drum roll please... you are (or have ever been) any kind of male escort (including but not limited to gay) and/or have ever been in any kind of porn (including but not limited to gay).

Thank you for your understanding :)

Really, is this what the singles world is coming to? I'd rather be single the rest of my life! I appreciate though that she still has hope - she didn't close her page, she is just being very clear about what is not okay. I am glad that there is still hope - every now and then a nice, godly man does come along - it's just too bad the single ones are few and far between!

A Tale of Two Dates (in one)

By Miss Fortunate

It was the best of dates. It was the worst of dates . . .

I had been trying my hand at a new free online singles site (the cheap alternative to match.com if you will) when I reeled in a winner!! His profile consisted of semi-professional photos of himself (as opposed to the ever popular topless cell phone snap shot in the bathroom mirror that seems to be the rage with most single men on these sights) where it seemed apparent that he had both an attractive figure as well as good taste in clothing. His profile opened with a quote from scripture- “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”- 1 Corinthians 13:11

Finally- a MAN!!!!

We spoke on the phone and discovered much in common, including taste in music and a strange sense of humor. It almost seemed too perfect that this man would be a part owner of a Christian film company and was interested in taking swing dance lessons. After a lengthy and most enjoyable conversation on the phone, he asked me out. Without hesitation, I agreed.

He followed up with a most amazing email, which I never read. (Strike one against me- I guess). When we connected via phone he summed up his witty and most thoughtful email with the following options for our first date:

1) Gran Placa de la Carne de sex-appeal - a four meat combo plate of baby back pork ribs, beef back ribs, brisket and tri-tip from Bad to the Bone in San Juan Capistrano ( HYPERLINK "http://www.badtothebone-bbq.com/"www.badtothebone-bbq.com ) and if after watching each other be complete slobs eating BBQ on a first meeting/date (which one is it?;-) we still want more time together we can cross over the 5 and walk around the mission and/or the galleries/shops outside the mission and if the date is going so well we just don’t want it to end we then jump on the Pacific Liner and head down to San Diego on the midnight train

2) Mini-Ball Wagers under Ordered Array of a Wave - Cheesecake Factory at the Spectrum, some opportunities to stop in shops and get to know each other’s true fashion sense as we walk down to D&B for non-competitive wagering on ability to shoot little baskets with additional playing of assorted games and then finally, based on how star-y our eyes are we can end it all with a friendly handshake or romantic kiss on top of the Ferris Wheel

3) Art, Sand, Pizza, and 7 Letter Words – We get a big Chicago Pizza Pie at BJs walk coast highway, eat on the lawn/beach as we try to get 50 bonus points that goes with creating 7 letter words on my travel Scrabble game set, afterward we walk to Rocky Mountain for chocolate and then walk up and down the street to check out the art in the shops (both the picture, sculpture and clothing variety)

4) Keep it Short and So Meaty - Shik Do Rak Korean BBQ on Jeffrey just off the 5 in Irvine

5) Keep it Simple – Cheesecake Factory at the Spectrum

Not only did this man take incredible notes during our conversation (yes, I told him of my love for music, board games, and meat- is that so wrong?) it is as if he read my heart’s mind!! Every one of these dates was a dream come true for me- the perfect romance!! (And he was witty about it too!!!!) I have to admit, it was a little overwhelming for a first meeting. So as to ease up on the pressure, I opted for pizza by the sea. We were to meet Sunday after church.

Let me preface that, Saturday I had a date with someone else I met online, Friday I had started one of the most painful and daunting of all monthly curses (which kept me from sleeping, and made my whole body ache), and on Sundays I attend a charismatic church that has no concept of time.

When Sunday morning came, I took Motrin and set my alarm, but alas, I did not hear the thing go off as Worship was too loud. I raced out of church and began driving towards Laguna with my hands fishing in my purse for my cell phone. After driving for quite a ways past my humble abode, I realized exactly where my cell-phone was- by my bed, plugged into its charger. I didn’t have much of a choice. I could try and show up 5-10 minutes late without a cell phone and hope that nothing would detain me further, that he would not think I was ditching him and take off, and that I would not need it in order to find him if he did happen to switch locations or time himself; OR, I could play it safe, head home, call him, apologize profusely, and let him know why I was now going to be closer to twenty minutes late. I opted for the safer second choice (Strike two against me- I am NEVER late for a first date, and I can’t stand it when people are- it says so much about a person and what they think of others). Luckily- he was forgiving. Laguna, however, was not.

I found myself on a one-way road behind what I thought to be a hearse for what seemed like eternity before I began my search for a parking spot- in Laguna- on a Sunday. I think I would have had better luck in finding the Arch of the Covenant. After driving circles around Laguna and anxiously waiting for a couple to finish changing their child’s diaper, I parked, paid the meter, and sprinted for the rendezvous point. I was now officially 30 minutes late for my first date with Mr. Amazing.

Oh- and the Motrin was wearing off.

We finally met up and again I apologized. He told me he enjoyed walking around shopping while waiting for me and not to worry (a man who loves to shop- really- could he be any more perfect). We ordered pizza and walked and talked. He spoke of his BC days and how he had previously pursued wealth-with success, but was now currently using his skills and talents to serve God and bless others. He also spoke his beloved dog, family, religion, politics, humor, etc. It seemed to be going really well- though it was hard for me to tell as I was distracted by my aching body, nerves (which I usually never suffer from), and the thought that I may be leaking.

He suggested chocolate while I mentioned my concern about meters. He looked at the time and said that his was actually close to expiring-

“Has it been that long?”

“Well, some of us got here before others.”

“Sorry”

He purchased me sugar-free chocolate and then began walking me to my car, always making sure to walk on the side of the sidewalk facing the street as he was raised to be a true gentlemen (and I thought they were extinct). After wondering for quite some time, I was completely confused as to where we were and more importantly, where my car was in relation to where we were. I knew the name of the street, but after strolling it for some time, had yet to see my car. Great! Strike three- I am a total and complete ditz. I suggested that we just walk to his car as his meter was about to expire and I didn’t want to be responsible for that too. On our way back- miracle of miracles- “Hey- there is my car!!! I knew it was on this street!! And there it is! . . . and it is still running . . . why is it still running?”

The answer----- because I left my keys in the ignition, of course!

Strike 400,000!! I didn’t just lock my keys in the car; I actually locked my keys in the car with it still running . . . for three hours! I used up half a tank of gas and went nowhere!!! A feat I had yet to accomplish in life. Oh, and for salt in the wound- I actually got a $40 ticket (because it is illegal to leave your car running in a parking lot)!!!

I wanted to die.

I tried to just end things then and there and say goodbye, but being a gentlemen (or gluten for punishment) he said he would get his car and return to see if he could help me out. He rolled up with a nice shiny new car, paid for the meter (again), and parked next to my old, scratched up, still running vehicle. Oh- just shoot me already.

I had to play this just right. Though I was ready to cry, if I did- how would that look? Yet, if I was to cool and calm about it, he may get the impression that this kind of thing happens to me all the time (regardless of my swearing- I have NEVER done this before)! It was a tight rope- I tried to play it down the middle and crack jokes between my admitted embarrassment.

AAA finally arrived and he bid me adu as he had a previous engagement to get too (he was picking up a friend, who had a rare and debilitating disease, from the airport because he found someone who was trying a new experimental treatment that may be the answer to his long sought after prayer- because he is that awesome).

The AAA guy was having a hard time picking the lock when it finally dawned on him to just push the button to roll down the windows so that he could reach inside and unlock the door. “It was a good thing you left your engine running- otherwise, I never would have been able to unlock your door.”

Yeah. Half a tank of gas, a forty dollar ticket, and completely destroying a first date by making a total ass out of myself in front of Mr. Right, and it was a “good thing I left my engine running”- right. Good. Yeah.

I called up my date to let him know that I was safe and sound and that (again) I was so sorry and (again) I have never done this before. He said that if the AAA guy rolled up and said “Hey Chels!” he might have had his doubts, but he felt it best to believe me. Some more witty banter ensued before I thanked him and let him go. His was very kind and said he would call me again- my attitude was one of “yeah right, sure.”, but he assured me otherwise.

I finally read the amazing email he wrote when I got home and replied with the same humor, apology, and gratefulness as expressed earlier.

I never heard from him again.

Don’t cry for me Argentina (unless it is because you are laughing so hard). It was obvious that this love affair was never meant to be. As my roommate expressed- “The Universe was conspiring against you!” Even my mom thought of it as a sign from God, as I have “never done that before”. Personally, I think of the whole experience as one of the funniest and greatest stories ever to be put in a Christmas letter…. But maybe that is just me.

The Holidays

By Miss Adventure

So, I've been meaning to get on here and write something profound for a while, and it hasn't happened. Probably because I don't have much profound to write. Reality is that I've been too busy getting ready for the holidays. Lots of fun parties and lots of work and preparing for a big trip. This holiday I am spending with myself in a foreign country trying to learn a foreign language. I have three hours until my pick-up time to go to my international flight and I am still not completely packed. So, this will be quite short. Let me just point out that while there are many downsides to being single around the holidays, there are also upsides. One upside is that you can leave for the two weeks surrounding Christmas and New Years and go to a tropical paradise and make many people jealous of your ability to be footloose and fancy-free. Yes, it is nice.

When I return, I will be habla-ing Espanol (for those of you who don't understand MY Spanglish, I said I will be speaking Spanish); well, at least a feeble attempt to speak more Spanish than I currently can. I promise to try to post more in the New Year. Until then, I have recruited another friend to share on this blog and let me tell you, she has a GREAT story that will definitely have you rolling in laughter. See single ladies - we all have our good and our bad days. We have to make sure we can laugh at ourselves and accept that while life is not always what we want, it certainly can be exciting! Our perspectives help us to adjust our attitudes so that life is good (and we are good to be around).

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

When You Wish Upon a Star

By Miss Adventure

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are! Anything your heart desires, will come to you."

When we were young this song brought hope in the dreams of little girls. It all seemed so simple back then, as a little child. Life had a path and it was so clear and easy. No thoughts given to how to FIND Prince Charming - he was going to come to us! He would come riding on his white horse saving us from some lurking evil. It would be easy to know who he was - we would immediately fall in love with each other. No questioning - the only things that came between were wicked stepmothers or dragons or evil characters of some sort. They were all fictional, of course, so that meant love would be easy to find and easy to keep. As we get older, we begin to realize that prince on the white horse may be fictional too. As we become adults, we realize he IS fictional - love is not that easy, love is not that clear, and there is no perfect man out there.

What brought this thought? Tonight - Friday night - as I was coming out of Target, I saw an AMAZINGLY beautiful shooting star. It wasn't one of those blink and you'll miss it kind - it was one of those that slowly drops to the earth so closely you think you can reach out and touch it. I saw it and began to look away when it registered this bright streaming light was out of the ordinary - it was a shooting star! I looked back and watched in awe for several seconds as it burned brighter and brighter as it dropped toward the parking lot and then finally burned out.

The shooting star reminded me that I needed to make a wish; not that I really believe in that but the child inside of me likes to make that wish anyway (realizing it's really more of a prayer than anything else). So, my thoughts went to an earlier conversation with my sister-in-law. She began our phone conversation saying she had found me a husband. I bit and listened to her tell me about this man she had found and he does sound interesting. So, instead of the man finding me, I will let my sister-in-law try to bring the man to me. And, as is often the case, it is a long shot that it will even work out. The evil characters to keep us apart are realistic things such as distance, time, age, attraction. Still, there was a bright shooting star tonight and it is nice sometimes to hope like a child once more.

Hey there, lonely girl

By Miss Interpretation

Every once in a while my boss will throw out statements to me such as “Go on…get outta here! Go on a date or something.” or “You’re dressed up. Where are you going?” Because my boss is a kind hearted man I know his statements are completely well intentioned. However, in a fleeting moment it does make me wonder…does he think I am bored, lonely or have no social life? And question, why can’t a girl dress up just to celebrate her femininity? Can I stay home on a Friday night securely with absolutely no plans? YES!

Well, ladies I am happy that my life is anything but boring, lonely or lacking social activities. In fact, it’s absolutely rich and full. I am grateful for the life God has given me; filled with loving relationships with my church, friends and family. It is full of cherished and wondrous travel experiences. It is full of moments of utter hilarity and adventure with friends. It is full of times of being stretched out of my comfort zone. I am so appreciative of all these times. I am indebted to all the amazing people God has placed in my path that make life on earth one big playground!