By Miss Demeanor
Over two months ago, I had dinner with Miss Adventure, Miss Fortunate, and Miss Behavior (she’ll know who she is when she reads this, and she will read it because she’s a blog stalker, ha ha), and I committed to writing this blog. Then, work got busy (end of fiscal year), life got busy (I moved), I started a new job… and suddenly, I’m ridiculously delinquent on my commitment to write this blog.
Last week in Dallas, I was fortunate to have a break between a string of meetings and needing to be back at the airport. I texted a good friend and asked if he was around, and he was able to move some meetings so we could visit. I picked him up at his office and we headed to the local coffee house to catch up face-to-face on all the wonderful changes in our lives in the last year. He was married 6 months ago (to a woman he met 15 years ago) and got a nice promotion at work. My life was been a roller coaster for the last year, but the end result is fantastic and well worth it. As I shared the details with him, I admitted I am confidant that the blessings I’ve seen for the last few months are a direct result of my obedience to God. Especially when it wasn’t easy. And it’s especially noteworthy because my obedience is typically not my forte.
About a year ago, I read about a woman who had been praying that God would make her radically obedient. I thought to myself “What a wonderful prayer!” and I made it my own. I didn’t pray it daily, but I did pray it regularly. Over the course of the next 6 months, God changed my heart in a lot of ways and I ultimately felt led to quit my very stable job with a very good salary, having nothing lined up and possessing some fat mortgages. I thought that perhaps my radical obedience would be giving up my cushy life in Orange County and relocating to Sub-Saharan Africa. I also thought my radical obedience might be STAYING in Orange County if my heart really wanted to move to Africa. Either way, I was confidant that God had a plan, and that His plan was good and right.
Then, I met a man. He had just moved to Orange County, and we hit it off right away. We liked the same kind of music, dreamed of raising our kids in a foreign land speaking a foreign language, enjoyed each other’s company. He was vegetarian, practiced yoga, was very resourceful, and was humble. 40 years old, never married, no kids yet, wanted kids. I could go on, but you get the point. And he was the most Godly man I’ve ever met. He would wake up every morning at 5am to meditate with God. Sounds perfect for me, right? Well, the only problem was that his God isn’t Jesus. His God is some force, not really a person. And for me, that is a dealbreaker. It’s even a documented dealbreaker. (Five years ago I was in a women’s group and we wrote down the 7 non-negotiable qualities we must have in a husband, and the 7 characteristics that he absolutely must not have. Number one on my personal list of non-negotiable qualities in a husband is that he must love Jesus and be living for God. That may not matter to every woman, but that does matter to Miss Demeanor.)
That should be the end of my discussion about this man, but of course it’s not. Despite the obvious mutual attraction, I told him I wouldn’t date him because of our different spiritual beliefs. But my actions didn’t match my words and I did end up dating him. Seeing him several times a week. Talking to him on the phone regularly. I invited him to church and decided in my mind that if he didn’t come, I would tell him I couldn’t date him any longer. I told God I was going to quit seeing him. But he came to church with me (he admitted that he didn’t care about the message and he wasn’t interested in exploring Jesus, he just came to spend time with me). I spent more and more time with him and fell for this man’s many wonderful qualities.
I recalled times when friends of mine, who put their faith first in their lives, were dating men who had different spiritual beliefs. I tried to love and support them, but I struggled to understand why they would make a decision that was so obviously going to lead to pain. If a woman professes to love Jesus and her desire is to put God first in her life (no matter how effective she is at actually putting Him first every day), then dating a man who doesn’t share that desire is bound to cause problems. And yet, I found myself in the middle of that situation, experiencing how difficult it is to be IN the situation rather than looking at it from the outside. (Which was a great and important learning experience for me, because I know I’ll be much more understanding and compassionate the next time one of my girlfriends is in that situation.)
Faith was an important discussion between this man and me. He called his god “God” for me, rather than whatever force he would have called it otherwise. I wrestled with our relationship, with his faith, and with my faith. I doubted my faith, and during those dark days God woke me up at 3am or 4am to have me read verses in Colossians about not being deceived by fine-sounding arguments. Warning me about hollow and deceptive philosophy. Encouraging me to stand firm in my faith in Jesus Christ. Exhorting me to live in Christ, to stay rooted in God, and to strengthen my faith. I was able to cling to my faith, because a few friends knew what was happening and they were praying for me. At one point, I even told this man that he was either the man God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with, or he was “Satan’s A game.” Then God pointed me to Colossians 2:18, where He warns us not to let anyone who worships angels disqualify us for the prize (eternal life with God).
When I got to the point that I was confidant again in my faith, then I got mad at God. Certain that my God was real, and that He knew what was happening, I directed my angry sobs to Him. “Why, God?! I finally came to a place of peace, or at least I thought I did, about relationships. I thought I trusted You. I said that if You don’t have plans for me to be a wife and mother, then I trust in faith that it’s because You have better plans for me. And yet, now I realize that I don’t have the peace I thought I had. I do desire to be with a good man in a good relationship, and I do want to be a wife and mother. Why would You intentionally send me someone who has so many great qualities, yet is lacking the most important one?” I had my own pity party. And I prayed diligently for this man’s salvation.
I begrudgingly came to the point that I knew I needed to quit seeing this man. I was exhausted due to lack of sleep. For a week I had major stomach pains due to the internal war waging. I finally knew with certainty what God wanted me to do. And then, God reminded me of my prayer earlier in the year. God nudged me about being obedient, and I remembered that just 9 months ago I had been excited by a prayer to be radically obedient. Now God was calling me to be obedient in an area that I hadn’t expected, and I realized that I needed to obey. And it *was* radical to me. Much more radical than quitting my job without another position lined up, although at the time I resigned my position I was sure that my decision definitely qualified as “radical obedience” for that act of faith.
God also reminded me of a sermon that had really struck a chord with me a few months prior. One of my favorite pastors delivered a fantastic message about the blessings we find on the back end of obedience. At the risk of reducing an amazing sermon to six sentences…. When God calls us to obey in an area that doesn’t make sense to us (or He calls us to do something that we don’t want to do), we have to believe that God truly has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). With that faith, we then move forward believing that He truly knows best, and that He has our best interests at heart. In the end, we will see blessings that could not have been possible if we did not step forward in faith. The key is that we see the blessings on the BACK END of our obedience, rather than before we take the step of faith. If we could see the blessings before obeying, then there would be no faith. And Hebrews 11:6 assures us that “Without faith it is impossible to please God.”
I finally, with the strength of many people’s prayers, had the difficult conversation and told this man that I couldn’t see him anymore. In order to follow through, I had to play some mind games with myself. I compared my situation to Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice Isaac. (Writing this now, with the benefit of hindsight, it’s a little embarrassing to admit that, because killing your only son is clearly more challenging than breaking up with a guy!) I deluded myself into thinking that God would use my decision as a way to help this man wonder “Let me learn more about this Jesus, who is so important that she’s willing to not pursue this great relationship we have.” The conversation went well, he understood exactly why I was making the decision and he requested it. I do still pray for him, that some day he will know that his god is Jesus.
God always proves Himself faithful, and this situation was no exception. I was obedient, even when it was very difficult for me. And God has certainly blessed me in big ways since I made that decision. Within a week of the difficult conversation, I told someone “This is a blessing on the back end of obedience.” And I continue to see blessings related to obedience. This blog is already too long, so I’ll need to make this a 2-part blog and leave you in suspense. But suffice it to say, God really does always have blessings waiting for us. And I’m feeling incredibly blessed.
