The C's of Life

The sermon last Sunday, though long in typical Pastor Rick fashion, was really a great sermon.  Being a healthy person is something we should all strive for but some of us have a few more roadblocks than others.  Pastor Rick talked about the 5 C's of life - circumstances, connections (relationships), chemistry, consciousness (how I talk to myself), and choices.  Some of these we have little or no control over - for example if our body chemistry is off, we may need medication to help readjust it - but we do have control over the choices we make.  We have control over how we react to situations and circumstances, we can choose to maintain good or bad relationships, we can choose how we talk to ourselves, etc.

For single women I think this is especially important.  We can mope around complaining about how there aren't any good guys out there, blame our problems on others or other things, shut our selves up to others, and wait to live our lives until "Prince Charming" walks through the door.  But, our attitude in life makes such a difference on how attractive we are (or are not).  Our attitude opens doors of opportunity or can shut those doors.  There is a lot we don't have control over, and that can make life really tough.  But the point is if we don't have control over it, we can't change it.  All we can do is focus on that which we do have control, and try to make the best out of that.

Ultimately, too, the last part of the sermon was on choosing Jesus as Saviour.  I have to say that there are times I think about how people get through life without Jesus in it and I don't understand it.  There is something so freeing about knowing that I am not responsible for it all and there is Someone greater than I in control.  There is Someone who is there to get me through it.  Life is full of evil and sin because we live in a fallen world with fallen people.  Life, though, is short (as I realize more and more the older I get).  Eternity is forever.  I need not worry about today or tomorrow because it is fleeting.  I have greater hope and greater things to look forward to.

I encourage you to watch this sermon, it is very empowering.  http://www.saddleback.com/mc/m/3d100/

Update

Okay, I realize it's been over a year since I even posted on this blog and it was only once in that year. So...I've kind of gotten a little behind. Life gets busy (as you saw in my previous post).

Thought I'd let you know that my two other bloggers can no longer post on here since they are both no longer Misses. Miss Demeanor was the first to leave the realm of singlehood for marital bliss last year and is now working on her mommy demeanor, which I know she will be amazing at.

Miss Interpret is now interpreting the language of a husband/wife relationship for over six months now! Both are amazing women so I know they are/will be amazing wives and mothers. The best part is that they both waited for men that not only treat them the way they should be treated, but that love and encourage them to be amazing women, not afraid to let them be who they are - strong, smart, beautiful. They challenge them and build them up in a Godly relationship with Christ at the center of their marriages. Just the way it should be...and worth waiting for!

30's Are Better Than 20's?

By Miss Adventure

Yes! My 30's have been better than my 20's. I was thinking about this today as I was walking the dogs and reflecting on my life (as seems to happen out walking). I had heard this a few times probably around the age of 29 when I was dreading my upcoming birthday. I thought, that was weird - you are just getting older. Who wants to get older? Well, yes, when we are kids we often want to be older, in my 20's that desire had gone away.

I remember hearing the logic behind why the 30's are better than your 20's and it had something to do with being more confident and not caring as much about what people think, if I remember right. Yes, I think it's true. Of course, as 35 is nearing, I'm not so excited about that birthday either...but then I think, why? My 30's have been great. In fact, when I look back, they've been amazing! Okay maybe they didn't start off amazing....since I broke up with my boyfriend of close to two years (a few weeks after turning 30...ouch!). That was hard. But, as hard as it was, I was proud of myself for having followed what I believed God was asking me to do, stepping out in faith, and letting go of a relationship so dear. In retrospect, that relationship was stressful and instead of making me a better, more confident person, it made me weak. That's not God's plan for my life.

Then, within a few months, I completed my first ever marathon (and you can't even believe how shocking this is considering I spent my whole life hating running...and I'm still not a real fan of it, but I've discovered there is no shame in power walking much of a marathon). Six months later, completed marathon #2 - and probably ran 1/3 of it! That was a lesson in knowing that if you put your mind to it, it's amazing what you can accomplish (Brings to mind a verse - "I can do all things through Him who stengthens me." Philippians 4:13).

I also decided to go for that career change I so desired, to become a school counselor, and entered a credential and master's program. Four years of hard work while keeping a full time job, but I finally get to walk with that master's degree this June! It feels so good.

For my 31st birthday, I bought myself a condo that I love near a lake, looking out at the highest peak in Orange County - I call it "my mountain", which I have also hiked up three times now. I did a half marathon shortly after that. Adopted a dog (child) who has been one of the best things for me ever.

At 32 I decided to learn Spanish so through listening to podcasts of a Scottish man in my car (I had lots of time driving to and from Riverside for classes), I worked on my Spanish and then set out over Christmas and New Years to two weeks of free language school (thanks to my school field trip to DC/NY with students) in Costa Rica. That was incredible. A good learning experience....it was a test of faith and maturity to hang around a bunch of 18-24 year old Europeans who loved to enjoy the Costa Rican coastal party atmosphere. I don't understand the clubbing thing...and blame it on my age or whatever, it's not for me. Traveling alone is something I conquered in my 20's in Europe, but traveling in a developing country that doesn't speak English was another adventure for my 30's.

After ten years of teaching high school, I was displaced. Another shock and another rough road, but I had to know that God had a different path for me. I ended up at the lowest performing middle school in Orange County. Not an easy year, in fact maybe my hardest teaching ever, but somehow, easier to get through in my 30's than it was in my 20's. I'm still there, but I found my voice in advocating for the youth in this tough area taking some risks that I believe are so worth it in order to stand up for what is right.

The age of 33 saw some more testing of my faith - mostly my theology - when I dated a guy who eventually I realized was involved in a cult like church. Again...a tough test of faith but a reinvigoration for knowing why I believe what I believe and knowing God's got my back is always a good thing. Letting that one go was hard, but also so easy knowing the peace that comes with doing what is right.

Then came the opportunity to take on my biggest physical challenge yet...climb Mt. Whitney, the tallest peak in the 48 states at 14, 505 ft. I trained and did another half marathon, and then a whole marathon hiking through the woods of the bay area (by myself part of the time but not alone...again...God's got my back). Then came the actual climb just after I turned 34. One of the scariest climbs I'd ever done (okay, no panic attacks like I had on the Devil's Steps almost to the top of Half Dome at 31...but that's just because I've learned how to control them better - believe me, there were a few panic attacks ready to rear their ugly heads a few times on that hike as I looked out over there valleys to my east or my west and saw the vast drops or the huge boulders sitting precariously around me). Also one of the hardest. It starts to get really hard to breath about 12,000-13,000 feet up. My muscles weren't nearly as bad as my lungs...but one certainly impacts the other. Still, with my brothers to help support me and keep me going (wouldn't have made it without them), I made it to the top. One of my proudest moments ever....but one that this height fearing girl will not repeat.

I also met an amazing guy and started to date him - a guy who doesn't stress me out or break me down but takes care of me when I'm sick (which has been a hallmark of 34 so far...there goes my pride over my amazing immune system...), a guy who is incredibly thoughtful and caring and encourages me spiritually and respects me just the way I am. It's so refreshing. Not what I expected, but then I think that's kind of been my 30's. Doing what is not expected but being surprised at the immense blessings that come from trusting God and stepping out to take some risks that I never would have dreamed of in my 20's.

So, 35....you don't scare me....I'm looking foward to what you have to bring!

Singles Scorecard

Miss Adventure

This post was sent to me by Miss Interpret. Really funny and a lot that a single person who attends church can relate to (and hopefully laugh at)...

Surviving Church as a Single

We already knew it, but here's the data...

By Miss Adventure

I know that I, along with other females, have frequently asked, "Where are the men?" They certainly don't seem to be at church. Those of us who are hoping to find that strong, godly, Christian man seem to be at something of a loss. Especially, I think, those of us in our 30's. These men are either married already or MIA.

I heard a staggering statistic the other morning as I listened to a Christian pastor preaching on the radio while I drove to work. The statistic dealt with children growing up and continuing as church attendees in their adulthood. It said that if both parents are regular church attendees, the 72% of children were likely to continue. It drops to 55% if it is just the father that attends church and get this....it drops all the way to 15% if it is just the mother attending church.

Now, I know statistics can be skewed and twisted around, but after a tiny bit of further research I did find some other articles that supported the idea that the father's impact was greater on children attending church than the mother. Regardless of what the real numbers are, this only supports my reasons why I would want to marry a man who holds the same beliefs I do so that my children will have both parents as a positive role model. That brings me back to my question of where are those men? I'm not finding them at church!

I came across this website that states that the church is made up of 61% women and 39% men. Again, I don't know how accurate or specific their data is, but as I said women, we already know the men aren't there. Sorry it's not better news.

I wouldn’t have traded this for the world

By Miss Demeanor

It’s been over 6 months since I last posted on this blog. Time flies! This has been a busy year, with a new city, new apartment, new job, new church… a new life in many ways.

I realize, though, that I never finished my story about the blessings on the back end of my obedience over a year ago. Sometimes, I think the blessings that God gives us are not obvious. Sure, we see blessings, but not necessarily in direct correlation to something we said or did correctly. We have faith that God is at work, and that He has good plans for us. But we don’t clearly see the blessing that is a result of our obedience. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to see a blessing that is a direct result of our obedience. A blessing in the exact same area of life. I don’t think it happens very often, but it does happen sometimes. And when it happens, we need to burn it into our hearts and minds so we can recall it when we need a boost of faith.

For me, I haven’t had to “burn” this blessing into my mind or heart, because I see him every day and he makes my heart sing. I am a lucky girl indeed.

So here is the rest of the story that I started telling earlier this year. I was finally obedient to God and told “the other guy” that I couldn’t see him anymore. And I meant it. It’s been over a year now, and I don’t really talk to him though I still pray for his salvation when I think of him. Within days of breaking off that relationship (because he didn’t share my faith), I was on vacation with a very good friend of mine. We had planned the trip several months in advance, and the reason for the trip was to use some Disney World passes that we had purchased together some 5 years earlier. When I landed in Orlando (we flew in from different cities so he landed hours before me), I informed him that I had broken it off with “the other guy” and I just needed to have a fun time. He agreed that we’d focus on having a nice weekend, and it was already off to a great start with the beautiful 2-bedroom condo he had for us.

The four days we spent in Orlando were fantastic, in spite of some challenging circumstances. The weather was HOT. It was already October, but it was in the upper 90s with high humidity the entire time we were there. The parks were busy, and everyone was moving s l o w l y because of the heat. Our luggage was lost (long story), he had to take an overnight flight from the west coast through JFK and down, and we missed the shuttle so many times that I lost count. Even in the midst of conditions that should have made us cranky, we had a wonderful vacation. We laughed, we smiled, and we generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I won’t bore you with the details, but there was a point at the end of our trip when we realized that, after 6 years of knowing each other (most of which we’d been good friends), we felt like perhaps there should be something more. He said something like “You know I’ve been praying that God would make me into the man I need to be in order to be worthy of the kind of wife I want.” (Yes, I did know that, and it’s a wonderful prayer to be praying.) He continued, “You’re one of my best friends and I can’t imagine anyone else who I could have had as much fun with this weekend, especially with everything that happened.” (Yes, we did have a good time.) But then he threw me for a loop, “I realize that you have all the characteristics and qualities I want in a wife, so why aren’t we dating?”

We discussed the challenges of dating one of your best friends, someone who lives 400 miles away, and other things that were important. And ultimately, we decided that we’d give it a shot. He teases me now that I needed some convincing, but the reality is that it didn’t take much. Looking back, I realize that there is no other explanation than God for how we both started having romantic feelings for each other at the same time after literally years of never having any such feelings. (That’s right, at no time in those nearly 6 years had either of us had romantic feelings for the other person. People doubt it, but it’s the truth.)

When I split up with “the other guy,” one of my closet friends laughed when I relayed to her that I told him he might be “Satan’s A Game,” but she also agreed. She prayed with me that God would give me the strength to make the right decision and be obedient, and she prayed that He would bless my obedience. That prayer rang in my ears the following week, as I embarked on a new journey with a man who had previously been one of my very good friends.

Today, that man is my best friend. Next week, we celebrate a year of dating. That year has been full of goodness, and in a year ripe with tests on both sides, we have been the bright spot for each other. Of course, our relationship isn’t perfect because we’re both imperfect people, but our relationship is the healthiest, best relationship either of us have ever had in our combined 35 years of dating. Amidst a variety of trials, I am learning (slowly) to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and he’s helping me to do that. He clearly possesses the 7 non-negotiable qualities I wrote down almost 6 years ago, and he doesn’t have any of my 7 dealbreakers. Even better, he has many of the traits that I wanted to put on my “list” but had to remove as I whittled it down to 7 and 7. God has given me everything I need, and even things I desire. (And by the way, he had a journal in which he described the woman he was seeking, and I fit the bill even though he didn’t see it in me for 6 years!)

I admire his spiritual leadership. He holds my hands and initiates prayer with me. He prays for friends of mine he’s never even met, because he knows they are on my heart. Although our backgrounds are different (he was raised in a Christian home, I came to know Jesus in my mid-20s; he prefers smaller churches, and I grew up spiritually in a mega-church; he likes order & structure in service and I tend to shy away from structured services), he found a church that we both enjoy and he invited me to join him at that church. He picks me up at my apartment every Sunday morning and we go to church together, where he puts his arm around my shoulders and keeps me warm. Although he grew up in a church where life groups and small groups didn’t exist, he spent time at our church’s leadership class one night last week to learn more about leading one of the life groups for men.

And I would have sacrificed all of this to be with “the other guy”? It seems crazy now, but that’s precisely what I would have done if I hadn’t obeyed God last year. Spiritual intimacy in a relationship is critical, and I was so ready to desert that need. It’s such a good reminder to me that God’s ways are so much better than my ways (Isaiah 55:9). That I need to abandon my desires and trust that God has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). That the race is not to the swift (Ecclesiastes 9:11). And how thankful I am that God’s purposes prevail despite my plans (Proverbs 19:21).

I’m not sure whether this whole “blessings on the back end of obedience” lesson would be better if it wasn’t about a romantic relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man I’m with and I am incredibly thankful to God that He continues to do exceedingly, abundantly more than I can ask (Ephesians 3:20). But it feels so trite and awkward to be writing about this on a blog for 30-something singles. At the same time, maybe it will be helpful to someone. God certainly blesses our obedience in life, but I find that 30-something singles tend to struggle especially in the romantic arena. So if that’s you, I pray that you will be obedient to God’s call on your life, trusting Him even when it doesn’t make sense. And I pray that you, too, will find abundant blessings on the back end of your obedience to Him.

If Only Fairy Tales Could Come True

By Miss Adventure

You know, as a little girl I always loved fairy tales because the handsome young prince would come and rescue the beautiful young princess. Now that I am older, I still love fairy tales and wish I were one of those princesses. Today, though, my biggest reason for wishing that is because I was just thinking about the ability both Cinderella and Snow White had to sing a little song and get all the little animals to come out and help her clean the house and in within a few minutes - it was sparkling once more. About the closest thing I have to that is dropping food on the floor and my dog, Hannah, coming to clean it up with her tongue or ants marching through my kitchen to feast on whatever crumbs may be about. Not quite what I had in mind.

If only fairy tales (or at least the Disney version) could come true....

About Loving Yourself

By Miss Adventure

From C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters

"The Enemy [God] wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour's talents - or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall. He wants each man, in the long run, to be able to recognise all creatures (even himself) as a glorious and excellent things. He wants to kill their animal self-love as soon as possible; but it is His long-term policy, I fear, to restore to them a new kind of self-love - a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbors."

There is so much in this book with which I can relate that it's scary! It's almost as if C.S. Lewis looked into my mind and wrote this book! When I read this passage, I thought, this is a blog for women. Really, everyone struggles with self and self-esteem; both men and women. As a woman who struggles with the concept of self and then in return, self esteem, I wanted to speak with other women about this. It's such an important dialogue for us - we need to understand we are not alone in our feelings and also that there are lies and tricks Satan uses to bring us down. The more we recognize this, the stronger we can grow.

I think that many of us struggle with our concept of self - who am I? What good am I? What makes me special? At what am I good? We may or may not be aware of our weaknesses - either we dwell on them or we ignore them (and some of us have what our weaknesses and strengths are all wrong!). I like to know what I am good at doing, but then I feel like I am bragging or being prideful if I acknowledge it, so instead my tendency growing up was to avoid acknowledging it.

God created us to be excellent, unique creatures with different strengths that can be used together as the body of Christ for the good of all mankind and to bring glory to him. We should be rejoicing in that - but rejoicing just as much in others as we do for ourselves. Too often we get this part wrong - we either rejoice too much in our own or too little in our own. It's quite funny how in order to make ourselves feel better we usually start pointing out the weaknesses of others.

I love that Lewis points out that when we are really able to love our neighbors, then we can begin to love ourselves. I see that as the ultimate concept of a healthy self-esteem which enables us to have a healthy sense of self. That, I believe, is when we really can work together as the body of Christ. That is why Satan wants us to believe the lies - either lies about ourselves or lies about others. The less we work together, the more selfish and defensive we are, the less work we can accomplish.

One of my favorite verses is found in Philippians 4:10-13:

¹⁰I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I think once you learn to be content - content with who God made you to be, content with the circumstances that He allowed you to be in - knowing He is there to take care of you and make things come together for His good - that contentment helps fight jealousy or envy. Instead, love for your neighbor is an easier reality. In return, love for yourself and who God made you to be is also easier.

Not that I think we as humans reach this lofty goal every day. For me, some days are better than others. Sometimes in my life, or some areas of my life, it is easier to be content and feel good about myself. Other times, it's not so easy. It's a daily work, a need for a constant reminder, but as verse 13 says, "I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

Beauty Tips for the Inner You

Miss Adventure

I received this at a Women's Brunch I attended with some of the women in my family. Great truths in here, so I thought I'd share it.

Beauty Tips for the Inner You

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness.

For beautiful eyes,

seek out the good in other people.

To lose weight, let go of stress

and the need to control others.

To improve your ears, listen to the word of God.

Touch someone with your love.

Rather than focus on the thorns of life,

smell the roses

and count your blessings.

For poise, walk with knowledge and self esteem.

To strengthen your arms,

hug at least three people a day.

To strengthen your heart,

give of yourself to others.

Don't worry and hurry so much.

Rather walk this earth lightly

and yet leave your mark.

Author Unknown

Couldn't Have Said It Better

By Miss Adventure

This link was sent to me by Miss Interpret (who hasn't written on here in a long time). The author said it well, so I will just let you click on the link and read this great article entitled "Driving Solo".

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/1599-driving-solo

Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person

By Miss Adventure

This link was sent to me by Miss Demeanor and while I'm not sure I agree with everything, it is pretty funny and I do think most single people can relate to it! Enjoy...

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/89007/19-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-single-person

Finally Some Real Women

By Miss Adventure

I have to applaud the fact that Lane Bryant created a commercial for their lingerie and used a plus size model. I have to kind of snicker at the term "plus size models". It simply means that these girls fit the average size of American women. The model being used was a size 12, 5 ft. 9 in., and 150 lbs. I am over four inches shorter than she is and I weigh less, but when you take the height differences into account that would make us around the same body mass index, which is within the healthy range. (Check out Crystal Renn and see what she looks like)

I also appreciate that in Glamour magazine, they have begun to showcase more and more women who also fit in the "plus size" category. They showed a picture of a woman who was pretty much naked (posed so that you didn't see too much). There was actually a roll at her stomach! I thought, wow, that looks like my stomach! Another woman had a larger derriere, and on it I thought I saw some faint stretch marks... stretch marks are another unpleasant thing to which I can relate.

The response to all of these models has been overwhelmingly in favor of using more of those who reflect the real woman versus the gaunt looking, paper thin models you see on a regular basis. When I think about the Victoria's Secret models, I wonder how much of a real woman I am seeing? How much is airbrushed out? If she is that thin, can she really have breasts that size naturally?

I love the Dove campaign commercials, too, that celebrate real women. They have a great video showing how they take a model, apply the make-up, do the hair, take the pictures, then change many of her features on the computer. This is what society wants to believe a women should look like? Does society really think that? I have to question this since we see the reactions toward these real models - how they are supported and celebrated by so many.

Of course, then I look at how I view myself. For many years of my life - the most formative years of self-esteem in my teens, I was a size 14. I was always critical of the way I looked and felt others were too. Were they? I'm sure some were, but I think it was definitely more molded by the media and comparing myself to what their distorted standard of beauty was than it was by people's real view of me. Then, in my mid 20's, I lost weight due to a month long backpacking trip in Europe as well as a real low point in my life during which I lost my appetite all together. I was finally closer to what I thought was the right weight and I felt much better about myself.

Here's the catch - I am healthier now than I was then. That's good! As a society we have a problem with obesity - it is an epidemic. We don't want to encourage unhealthiness - either being underweight or overweight. Diabetes is growing at an enormous rate and it's in my family. I need to be careful and watch it, but I love my sweets! As a society, how do we put pressure on remaining healthy but not be so vain and shallow to judge people on their size?

Even in my relationships I believe that two of my serious boyfriends would not have looked at me twice when I was a size 14, but they did when I was a 6/8. Still, I felt like that was the biggest I could be and still be acceptable to them. I stressed about my weight and their view of me - would they love me for inside more than the outside? I am a little heavier now than I was when I was dating them, but probably the healthiest I've ever been in regards to the amount of exercise I do today. Do we want health or do we want looks? Why can't we have both and celebrate healthy women? Look at all the paintings of the past! I remember being so surprised in my art history class my senior year when I saw art considered to be the greatest the world has seen and the women are voluptuous! No skinny, scrawny women; women with curves and softness that were celebrated and adorned! My friends and I would joke that we would have made great models back then!

When I see that Lane Bryant ad, it reminds me much more of the models of art past than the models of high fashion today. I applaud them for bringing it back and celebrating real women!

Blessings on the Back End of Obedience

By Miss Demeanor

Over two months ago, I had dinner with Miss Adventure, Miss Fortunate, and Miss Behavior (she’ll know who she is when she reads this, and she will read it because she’s a blog stalker, ha ha), and I committed to writing this blog. Then, work got busy (end of fiscal year), life got busy (I moved), I started a new job… and suddenly, I’m ridiculously delinquent on my commitment to write this blog.

Last week in Dallas, I was fortunate to have a break between a string of meetings and needing to be back at the airport. I texted a good friend and asked if he was around, and he was able to move some meetings so we could visit. I picked him up at his office and we headed to the local coffee house to catch up face-to-face on all the wonderful changes in our lives in the last year. He was married 6 months ago (to a woman he met 15 years ago) and got a nice promotion at work. My life was been a roller coaster for the last year, but the end result is fantastic and well worth it. As I shared the details with him, I admitted I am confidant that the blessings I’ve seen for the last few months are a direct result of my obedience to God. Especially when it wasn’t easy. And it’s especially noteworthy because my obedience is typically not my forte.

About a year ago, I read about a woman who had been praying that God would make her radically obedient. I thought to myself “What a wonderful prayer!” and I made it my own. I didn’t pray it daily, but I did pray it regularly. Over the course of the next 6 months, God changed my heart in a lot of ways and I ultimately felt led to quit my very stable job with a very good salary, having nothing lined up and possessing some fat mortgages. I thought that perhaps my radical obedience would be giving up my cushy life in Orange County and relocating to Sub-Saharan Africa. I also thought my radical obedience might be STAYING in Orange County if my heart really wanted to move to Africa. Either way, I was confidant that God had a plan, and that His plan was good and right.

Then, I met a man. He had just moved to Orange County, and we hit it off right away. We liked the same kind of music, dreamed of raising our kids in a foreign land speaking a foreign language, enjoyed each other’s company. He was vegetarian, practiced yoga, was very resourceful, and was humble. 40 years old, never married, no kids yet, wanted kids. I could go on, but you get the point. And he was the most Godly man I’ve ever met. He would wake up every morning at 5am to meditate with God. Sounds perfect for me, right? Well, the only problem was that his God isn’t Jesus. His God is some force, not really a person. And for me, that is a dealbreaker. It’s even a documented dealbreaker. (Five years ago I was in a women’s group and we wrote down the 7 non-negotiable qualities we must have in a husband, and the 7 characteristics that he absolutely must not have. Number one on my personal list of non-negotiable qualities in a husband is that he must love Jesus and be living for God. That may not matter to every woman, but that does matter to Miss Demeanor.)

That should be the end of my discussion about this man, but of course it’s not. Despite the obvious mutual attraction, I told him I wouldn’t date him because of our different spiritual beliefs. But my actions didn’t match my words and I did end up dating him. Seeing him several times a week. Talking to him on the phone regularly. I invited him to church and decided in my mind that if he didn’t come, I would tell him I couldn’t date him any longer. I told God I was going to quit seeing him. But he came to church with me (he admitted that he didn’t care about the message and he wasn’t interested in exploring Jesus, he just came to spend time with me). I spent more and more time with him and fell for this man’s many wonderful qualities.

I recalled times when friends of mine, who put their faith first in their lives, were dating men who had different spiritual beliefs. I tried to love and support them, but I struggled to understand why they would make a decision that was so obviously going to lead to pain. If a woman professes to love Jesus and her desire is to put God first in her life (no matter how effective she is at actually putting Him first every day), then dating a man who doesn’t share that desire is bound to cause problems. And yet, I found myself in the middle of that situation, experiencing how difficult it is to be IN the situation rather than looking at it from the outside. (Which was a great and important learning experience for me, because I know I’ll be much more understanding and compassionate the next time one of my girlfriends is in that situation.)

Faith was an important discussion between this man and me. He called his god “God” for me, rather than whatever force he would have called it otherwise. I wrestled with our relationship, with his faith, and with my faith. I doubted my faith, and during those dark days God woke me up at 3am or 4am to have me read verses in Colossians about not being deceived by fine-sounding arguments. Warning me about hollow and deceptive philosophy. Encouraging me to stand firm in my faith in Jesus Christ. Exhorting me to live in Christ, to stay rooted in God, and to strengthen my faith. I was able to cling to my faith, because a few friends knew what was happening and they were praying for me. At one point, I even told this man that he was either the man God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with, or he was “Satan’s A game.” Then God pointed me to Colossians 2:18, where He warns us not to let anyone who worships angels disqualify us for the prize (eternal life with God).

When I got to the point that I was confidant again in my faith, then I got mad at God. Certain that my God was real, and that He knew what was happening, I directed my angry sobs to Him. “Why, God?! I finally came to a place of peace, or at least I thought I did, about relationships. I thought I trusted You. I said that if You don’t have plans for me to be a wife and mother, then I trust in faith that it’s because You have better plans for me. And yet, now I realize that I don’t have the peace I thought I had. I do desire to be with a good man in a good relationship, and I do want to be a wife and mother. Why would You intentionally send me someone who has so many great qualities, yet is lacking the most important one?” I had my own pity party. And I prayed diligently for this man’s salvation.

I begrudgingly came to the point that I knew I needed to quit seeing this man. I was exhausted due to lack of sleep. For a week I had major stomach pains due to the internal war waging. I finally knew with certainty what God wanted me to do. And then, God reminded me of my prayer earlier in the year. God nudged me about being obedient, and I remembered that just 9 months ago I had been excited by a prayer to be radically obedient. Now God was calling me to be obedient in an area that I hadn’t expected, and I realized that I needed to obey. And it *was* radical to me. Much more radical than quitting my job without another position lined up, although at the time I resigned my position I was sure that my decision definitely qualified as “radical obedience” for that act of faith.

God also reminded me of a sermon that had really struck a chord with me a few months prior. One of my favorite pastors delivered a fantastic message about the blessings we find on the back end of obedience. At the risk of reducing an amazing sermon to six sentences…. When God calls us to obey in an area that doesn’t make sense to us (or He calls us to do something that we don’t want to do), we have to believe that God truly has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). With that faith, we then move forward believing that He truly knows best, and that He has our best interests at heart. In the end, we will see blessings that could not have been possible if we did not step forward in faith. The key is that we see the blessings on the BACK END of our obedience, rather than before we take the step of faith. If we could see the blessings before obeying, then there would be no faith. And Hebrews 11:6 assures us that “Without faith it is impossible to please God.”

I finally, with the strength of many people’s prayers, had the difficult conversation and told this man that I couldn’t see him anymore. In order to follow through, I had to play some mind games with myself. I compared my situation to Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice Isaac. (Writing this now, with the benefit of hindsight, it’s a little embarrassing to admit that, because killing your only son is clearly more challenging than breaking up with a guy!) I deluded myself into thinking that God would use my decision as a way to help this man wonder “Let me learn more about this Jesus, who is so important that she’s willing to not pursue this great relationship we have.” The conversation went well, he understood exactly why I was making the decision and he requested it. I do still pray for him, that some day he will know that his god is Jesus.

God always proves Himself faithful, and this situation was no exception. I was obedient, even when it was very difficult for me. And God has certainly blessed me in big ways since I made that decision. Within a week of the difficult conversation, I told someone “This is a blessing on the back end of obedience.” And I continue to see blessings related to obedience. This blog is already too long, so I’ll need to make this a 2-part blog and leave you in suspense. But suffice it to say, God really does always have blessings waiting for us. And I’m feeling incredibly blessed.

Princesses

Miss Adventure

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he? "

I love this quote from the movie, "A Little Princess"; such a beautiful movie and such a beautiful story of a daughter and her father. I rarely ever remember movie quotes but this particular one has stayed with me for years after I viewed the movie. I think because I relate well with the daughter in the movie. I am incredibly grateful to have a father in my own life who made me always feel like I was his princess. I also had a grandfather that did the same for me. We all need people in our lives who make us feel special. I think as women, we especially need that father figure in our lives to do that as well. I am so blessed to have had two.

This is bittersweet for me since my grandfather passed away this last week. It's incredibly sad to think that one of the two men who has treasured me the most in this life is no longer here on earth to do that. Even in the last few years when his health has been steadily declining, he still made me feel like I was so special and that I made his day by just being there. It didn't matter how I looked, what kinds of witty things I had to say, how old I was - because even being a woman past thirty, I still was his little girl.

I hope and pray that I have many many more years with my father. It is probably because I had such good men in my life that I didn't have a need to run to whatever man showed up ready to take advantage of a hurting woman and then try using them to fill that place in my heart that longs to be treasured like a princess. Too many women out there try filling that lonely, insecure place in their hearts with men that don't deserve their time of day. They consistently run to the wrong place for comfort and reassurance and then come up empty and broken.

I am one of the lucky ones to have had such a wonderful father, and I realize that many women did not have that in their lives. Not only that, no matter how wonderful of a man you may have in your life, they are human and will let you down at some point. There is a Father out there waiting to fill that void and can truly make you a princess - a daughter of the King.

Act like a princess worthy of that King. Believe you are a princess, even if you real father never told you that.

Disclaimer

By Miss Adventure

So, actually, this blog is not my inspiration, but a friend's. She sent me this email about a disclaimer she had to put on her page for her internet dating profile. It's sad but true - these were all inspired by real men that tried to communicate with her or even took her out on dates.

It just leaves me with one question - WHY? Seriously...no wonder we are still single at this age...

DISCLAIMER: Due to some recent (and not-so-recent) events, I am updating my profile to include the following disclaimer. If you can say yes to anything below, please do not message me; just move right along... and no, these are not a joke! I couldn't make this stuff up!

You are currently under house arrest and/or have anything electronic around your ankle; You are currently sleeping with your female roommate, but "it's only for her sake, she's lonely"; You are currently sleeping with your ex-wife; You still live with your ex-wife for "financial reasons"; You are helping your best friend cheat on his wife; You are currently married; You have been divorced more than three times; You have more than 4 children from more than 2 different women; You have been to prison; You currently have a warrant out for your arrest; You are currently (or were very recently) addicted to anything (including but not limited to alcohol and/or meth); You are looking for someone to fund your next business venture; You currently live with your parents; You have not had a job for more than a year; You run a Nigerian (or other) scam; You are in this country illegally; More than half of your teeth are not real; and... ready for this one... drum roll please... you are (or have ever been) any kind of male escort (including but not limited to gay) and/or have ever been in any kind of porn (including but not limited to gay).

Thank you for your understanding :)

Really, is this what the singles world is coming to? I'd rather be single the rest of my life! I appreciate though that she still has hope - she didn't close her page, she is just being very clear about what is not okay. I am glad that there is still hope - every now and then a nice, godly man does come along - it's just too bad the single ones are few and far between!

A Tale of Two Dates (in one)

By Miss Fortunate

It was the best of dates. It was the worst of dates . . .

I had been trying my hand at a new free online singles site (the cheap alternative to match.com if you will) when I reeled in a winner!! His profile consisted of semi-professional photos of himself (as opposed to the ever popular topless cell phone snap shot in the bathroom mirror that seems to be the rage with most single men on these sights) where it seemed apparent that he had both an attractive figure as well as good taste in clothing. His profile opened with a quote from scripture- “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”- 1 Corinthians 13:11

Finally- a MAN!!!!

We spoke on the phone and discovered much in common, including taste in music and a strange sense of humor. It almost seemed too perfect that this man would be a part owner of a Christian film company and was interested in taking swing dance lessons. After a lengthy and most enjoyable conversation on the phone, he asked me out. Without hesitation, I agreed.

He followed up with a most amazing email, which I never read. (Strike one against me- I guess). When we connected via phone he summed up his witty and most thoughtful email with the following options for our first date:

1) Gran Placa de la Carne de sex-appeal - a four meat combo plate of baby back pork ribs, beef back ribs, brisket and tri-tip from Bad to the Bone in San Juan Capistrano ( HYPERLINK "http://www.badtothebone-bbq.com/"www.badtothebone-bbq.com ) and if after watching each other be complete slobs eating BBQ on a first meeting/date (which one is it?;-) we still want more time together we can cross over the 5 and walk around the mission and/or the galleries/shops outside the mission and if the date is going so well we just don’t want it to end we then jump on the Pacific Liner and head down to San Diego on the midnight train

2) Mini-Ball Wagers under Ordered Array of a Wave - Cheesecake Factory at the Spectrum, some opportunities to stop in shops and get to know each other’s true fashion sense as we walk down to D&B for non-competitive wagering on ability to shoot little baskets with additional playing of assorted games and then finally, based on how star-y our eyes are we can end it all with a friendly handshake or romantic kiss on top of the Ferris Wheel

3) Art, Sand, Pizza, and 7 Letter Words – We get a big Chicago Pizza Pie at BJs walk coast highway, eat on the lawn/beach as we try to get 50 bonus points that goes with creating 7 letter words on my travel Scrabble game set, afterward we walk to Rocky Mountain for chocolate and then walk up and down the street to check out the art in the shops (both the picture, sculpture and clothing variety)

4) Keep it Short and So Meaty - Shik Do Rak Korean BBQ on Jeffrey just off the 5 in Irvine

5) Keep it Simple – Cheesecake Factory at the Spectrum

Not only did this man take incredible notes during our conversation (yes, I told him of my love for music, board games, and meat- is that so wrong?) it is as if he read my heart’s mind!! Every one of these dates was a dream come true for me- the perfect romance!! (And he was witty about it too!!!!) I have to admit, it was a little overwhelming for a first meeting. So as to ease up on the pressure, I opted for pizza by the sea. We were to meet Sunday after church.

Let me preface that, Saturday I had a date with someone else I met online, Friday I had started one of the most painful and daunting of all monthly curses (which kept me from sleeping, and made my whole body ache), and on Sundays I attend a charismatic church that has no concept of time.

When Sunday morning came, I took Motrin and set my alarm, but alas, I did not hear the thing go off as Worship was too loud. I raced out of church and began driving towards Laguna with my hands fishing in my purse for my cell phone. After driving for quite a ways past my humble abode, I realized exactly where my cell-phone was- by my bed, plugged into its charger. I didn’t have much of a choice. I could try and show up 5-10 minutes late without a cell phone and hope that nothing would detain me further, that he would not think I was ditching him and take off, and that I would not need it in order to find him if he did happen to switch locations or time himself; OR, I could play it safe, head home, call him, apologize profusely, and let him know why I was now going to be closer to twenty minutes late. I opted for the safer second choice (Strike two against me- I am NEVER late for a first date, and I can’t stand it when people are- it says so much about a person and what they think of others). Luckily- he was forgiving. Laguna, however, was not.

I found myself on a one-way road behind what I thought to be a hearse for what seemed like eternity before I began my search for a parking spot- in Laguna- on a Sunday. I think I would have had better luck in finding the Arch of the Covenant. After driving circles around Laguna and anxiously waiting for a couple to finish changing their child’s diaper, I parked, paid the meter, and sprinted for the rendezvous point. I was now officially 30 minutes late for my first date with Mr. Amazing.

Oh- and the Motrin was wearing off.

We finally met up and again I apologized. He told me he enjoyed walking around shopping while waiting for me and not to worry (a man who loves to shop- really- could he be any more perfect). We ordered pizza and walked and talked. He spoke of his BC days and how he had previously pursued wealth-with success, but was now currently using his skills and talents to serve God and bless others. He also spoke his beloved dog, family, religion, politics, humor, etc. It seemed to be going really well- though it was hard for me to tell as I was distracted by my aching body, nerves (which I usually never suffer from), and the thought that I may be leaking.

He suggested chocolate while I mentioned my concern about meters. He looked at the time and said that his was actually close to expiring-

“Has it been that long?”

“Well, some of us got here before others.”

“Sorry”

He purchased me sugar-free chocolate and then began walking me to my car, always making sure to walk on the side of the sidewalk facing the street as he was raised to be a true gentlemen (and I thought they were extinct). After wondering for quite some time, I was completely confused as to where we were and more importantly, where my car was in relation to where we were. I knew the name of the street, but after strolling it for some time, had yet to see my car. Great! Strike three- I am a total and complete ditz. I suggested that we just walk to his car as his meter was about to expire and I didn’t want to be responsible for that too. On our way back- miracle of miracles- “Hey- there is my car!!! I knew it was on this street!! And there it is! . . . and it is still running . . . why is it still running?”

The answer----- because I left my keys in the ignition, of course!

Strike 400,000!! I didn’t just lock my keys in the car; I actually locked my keys in the car with it still running . . . for three hours! I used up half a tank of gas and went nowhere!!! A feat I had yet to accomplish in life. Oh, and for salt in the wound- I actually got a $40 ticket (because it is illegal to leave your car running in a parking lot)!!!

I wanted to die.

I tried to just end things then and there and say goodbye, but being a gentlemen (or gluten for punishment) he said he would get his car and return to see if he could help me out. He rolled up with a nice shiny new car, paid for the meter (again), and parked next to my old, scratched up, still running vehicle. Oh- just shoot me already.

I had to play this just right. Though I was ready to cry, if I did- how would that look? Yet, if I was to cool and calm about it, he may get the impression that this kind of thing happens to me all the time (regardless of my swearing- I have NEVER done this before)! It was a tight rope- I tried to play it down the middle and crack jokes between my admitted embarrassment.

AAA finally arrived and he bid me adu as he had a previous engagement to get too (he was picking up a friend, who had a rare and debilitating disease, from the airport because he found someone who was trying a new experimental treatment that may be the answer to his long sought after prayer- because he is that awesome).

The AAA guy was having a hard time picking the lock when it finally dawned on him to just push the button to roll down the windows so that he could reach inside and unlock the door. “It was a good thing you left your engine running- otherwise, I never would have been able to unlock your door.”

Yeah. Half a tank of gas, a forty dollar ticket, and completely destroying a first date by making a total ass out of myself in front of Mr. Right, and it was a “good thing I left my engine running”- right. Good. Yeah.

I called up my date to let him know that I was safe and sound and that (again) I was so sorry and (again) I have never done this before. He said that if the AAA guy rolled up and said “Hey Chels!” he might have had his doubts, but he felt it best to believe me. Some more witty banter ensued before I thanked him and let him go. His was very kind and said he would call me again- my attitude was one of “yeah right, sure.”, but he assured me otherwise.

I finally read the amazing email he wrote when I got home and replied with the same humor, apology, and gratefulness as expressed earlier.

I never heard from him again.

Don’t cry for me Argentina (unless it is because you are laughing so hard). It was obvious that this love affair was never meant to be. As my roommate expressed- “The Universe was conspiring against you!” Even my mom thought of it as a sign from God, as I have “never done that before”. Personally, I think of the whole experience as one of the funniest and greatest stories ever to be put in a Christmas letter…. But maybe that is just me.

The Holidays

By Miss Adventure

So, I've been meaning to get on here and write something profound for a while, and it hasn't happened. Probably because I don't have much profound to write. Reality is that I've been too busy getting ready for the holidays. Lots of fun parties and lots of work and preparing for a big trip. This holiday I am spending with myself in a foreign country trying to learn a foreign language. I have three hours until my pick-up time to go to my international flight and I am still not completely packed. So, this will be quite short. Let me just point out that while there are many downsides to being single around the holidays, there are also upsides. One upside is that you can leave for the two weeks surrounding Christmas and New Years and go to a tropical paradise and make many people jealous of your ability to be footloose and fancy-free. Yes, it is nice.

When I return, I will be habla-ing Espanol (for those of you who don't understand MY Spanglish, I said I will be speaking Spanish); well, at least a feeble attempt to speak more Spanish than I currently can. I promise to try to post more in the New Year. Until then, I have recruited another friend to share on this blog and let me tell you, she has a GREAT story that will definitely have you rolling in laughter. See single ladies - we all have our good and our bad days. We have to make sure we can laugh at ourselves and accept that while life is not always what we want, it certainly can be exciting! Our perspectives help us to adjust our attitudes so that life is good (and we are good to be around).

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!

When You Wish Upon a Star

By Miss Adventure

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are! Anything your heart desires, will come to you."

When we were young this song brought hope in the dreams of little girls. It all seemed so simple back then, as a little child. Life had a path and it was so clear and easy. No thoughts given to how to FIND Prince Charming - he was going to come to us! He would come riding on his white horse saving us from some lurking evil. It would be easy to know who he was - we would immediately fall in love with each other. No questioning - the only things that came between were wicked stepmothers or dragons or evil characters of some sort. They were all fictional, of course, so that meant love would be easy to find and easy to keep. As we get older, we begin to realize that prince on the white horse may be fictional too. As we become adults, we realize he IS fictional - love is not that easy, love is not that clear, and there is no perfect man out there.

What brought this thought? Tonight - Friday night - as I was coming out of Target, I saw an AMAZINGLY beautiful shooting star. It wasn't one of those blink and you'll miss it kind - it was one of those that slowly drops to the earth so closely you think you can reach out and touch it. I saw it and began to look away when it registered this bright streaming light was out of the ordinary - it was a shooting star! I looked back and watched in awe for several seconds as it burned brighter and brighter as it dropped toward the parking lot and then finally burned out.

The shooting star reminded me that I needed to make a wish; not that I really believe in that but the child inside of me likes to make that wish anyway (realizing it's really more of a prayer than anything else). So, my thoughts went to an earlier conversation with my sister-in-law. She began our phone conversation saying she had found me a husband. I bit and listened to her tell me about this man she had found and he does sound interesting. So, instead of the man finding me, I will let my sister-in-law try to bring the man to me. And, as is often the case, it is a long shot that it will even work out. The evil characters to keep us apart are realistic things such as distance, time, age, attraction. Still, there was a bright shooting star tonight and it is nice sometimes to hope like a child once more.

Hey there, lonely girl

By Miss Interpretation

Every once in a while my boss will throw out statements to me such as “Go on…get outta here! Go on a date or something.” or “You’re dressed up. Where are you going?” Because my boss is a kind hearted man I know his statements are completely well intentioned. However, in a fleeting moment it does make me wonder…does he think I am bored, lonely or have no social life? And question, why can’t a girl dress up just to celebrate her femininity? Can I stay home on a Friday night securely with absolutely no plans? YES!

Well, ladies I am happy that my life is anything but boring, lonely or lacking social activities. In fact, it’s absolutely rich and full. I am grateful for the life God has given me; filled with loving relationships with my church, friends and family. It is full of cherished and wondrous travel experiences. It is full of moments of utter hilarity and adventure with friends. It is full of times of being stretched out of my comfort zone. I am so appreciative of all these times. I am indebted to all the amazing people God has placed in my path that make life on earth one big playground!

What Goes?

By Miss Adventure

I've been away from this blog now for over a month. I haven't been on some grand adventure (or misadventure as my name would lead you to believe), I have simply been to busy to be creative and thoughtful. It is the unfortunate nature of the area for those of us living in Southern California (or so I've been told). We fill our plates so full we don't have time to do what needs to be done. I have that problem. Although, it will be lessened some this month because I finished one of my classes last week that I have been taking. Working a full-time job, being a student working on another credential and masters, doing fieldwork for that credential, keeping up with my other ministry obligations, AND trying to maintain a healthy spiritual, family, and social life can be trying. Amen?

So, if something has to go, what should it be? Often I am made to feel that the first thing to go should be the social life. I would argue that as a single person though, a social life is extremely important. I have heard people talk about how selfish single people can be, they should be doing more, etc. The expectations often seem to be that if you are single, you should be the one to work more, volunteer more, etc. In fact, I've seen many friends that will take up the slack because they want their co-workers to be able to be with their families. Not that there is anything wrong with this and not that singles should not make sure they are pulling their weight in these areas. But really, should I be penalized or treated differently because I have not been blessed with a spouse or children?

It dawned on me one day when I heard someone talking about single people and how selfish they think they are, that there is a valid reason we as singles need to keep a strong social life and that is because often our friends become our family when our family is too busy with their own families. I know my family would be there for me if I really needed them, and I know they care about me, but let's face it - their obligation is to their spouses and their children first. That is as it should be. Also, we don't always live in close proximity to our families.

There are things that just seem to be a little harder when you are single (now, this is not to say our lives are harder than those not single - it's not a contest of who has the harder life. There are just different difficulties with each). I realized this when I was thinking about how hard it is to take my car in to get it serviced. When I lived with my parents, it seemed this was trivial - someone in the family home would go with the person and drive the other car. If a car was needed - usually there was more than one person with a car that could switch it out. If I want to take my car in it all gets a little more complicated or expensive if I have to rent a car. Of course, I think being a teacher makes this a little harder too because work hours are not flexible. Sure, they have a shuttle to take me to work, but it would get me there 10 minutes late - not a good option for a teacher. All this to say that I am especially grateful that I have a very positive relationship with my non-relative roommate/friend who was willing to help me out or switch cars. Of course, I also have wonderful parents who are willing to go out of their way to help me in this situation too - simply put, I am blessed to have such a helpful family. Not all singles are that blessed to have such positive familial relationships. Thus, friends become even more important.

Honestly, too, if I want to get married, I must be meeting people - hence a healthy social life. I have certainly discovered it's true that it seems to be harder the older you get to meet someone as well. Of course, a good way to meet someone - friendly or romantically - is by doing something you enjoy - volunteering, etc. So, it is good for single people to be out there volunteering and helping out when help is needed. Still, I think for myself, these are all reasons that I do guard my social time.

Besides, the Bible is very careful about saying how important relationships are to build and maintain. My pastor continually reminds us of this passage in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10:

⁹Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor;

¹⁰For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Of course, he frequently uses this in reference to joining a small group, with which I completely agree. That's part of the reason why my time with my small group - whether it is for spiritual reasons or social reasons - is so important. They become family too.

So, in the end, how do I manage it all? I really don't know. Something does have to be cut out eventually, but that must be an individual choice about which you pray - not something you are guilted into (or out of), not what others think, but what you believe is best for your life goals and the direction in which you believe the Lord is leading.