The C's of Life

The sermon last Sunday, though long in typical Pastor Rick fashion, was really a great sermon.  Being a healthy person is something we should all strive for but some of us have a few more roadblocks than others.  Pastor Rick talked about the 5 C's of life - circumstances, connections (relationships), chemistry, consciousness (how I talk to myself), and choices.  Some of these we have little or no control over - for example if our body chemistry is off, we may need medication to help readjust it - but we do have control over the choices we make.  We have control over how we react to situations and circumstances, we can choose to maintain good or bad relationships, we can choose how we talk to ourselves, etc.

For single women I think this is especially important.  We can mope around complaining about how there aren't any good guys out there, blame our problems on others or other things, shut our selves up to others, and wait to live our lives until "Prince Charming" walks through the door.  But, our attitude in life makes such a difference on how attractive we are (or are not).  Our attitude opens doors of opportunity or can shut those doors.  There is a lot we don't have control over, and that can make life really tough.  But the point is if we don't have control over it, we can't change it.  All we can do is focus on that which we do have control, and try to make the best out of that.

Ultimately, too, the last part of the sermon was on choosing Jesus as Saviour.  I have to say that there are times I think about how people get through life without Jesus in it and I don't understand it.  There is something so freeing about knowing that I am not responsible for it all and there is Someone greater than I in control.  There is Someone who is there to get me through it.  Life is full of evil and sin because we live in a fallen world with fallen people.  Life, though, is short (as I realize more and more the older I get).  Eternity is forever.  I need not worry about today or tomorrow because it is fleeting.  I have greater hope and greater things to look forward to.

I encourage you to watch this sermon, it is very empowering.  http://www.saddleback.com/mc/m/3d100/

Update

Okay, I realize it's been over a year since I even posted on this blog and it was only once in that year. So...I've kind of gotten a little behind. Life gets busy (as you saw in my previous post).

Thought I'd let you know that my two other bloggers can no longer post on here since they are both no longer Misses. Miss Demeanor was the first to leave the realm of singlehood for marital bliss last year and is now working on her mommy demeanor, which I know she will be amazing at.

Miss Interpret is now interpreting the language of a husband/wife relationship for over six months now! Both are amazing women so I know they are/will be amazing wives and mothers. The best part is that they both waited for men that not only treat them the way they should be treated, but that love and encourage them to be amazing women, not afraid to let them be who they are - strong, smart, beautiful. They challenge them and build them up in a Godly relationship with Christ at the center of their marriages. Just the way it should be...and worth waiting for!

30's Are Better Than 20's?

By Miss Adventure

Yes! My 30's have been better than my 20's. I was thinking about this today as I was walking the dogs and reflecting on my life (as seems to happen out walking). I had heard this a few times probably around the age of 29 when I was dreading my upcoming birthday. I thought, that was weird - you are just getting older. Who wants to get older? Well, yes, when we are kids we often want to be older, in my 20's that desire had gone away.

I remember hearing the logic behind why the 30's are better than your 20's and it had something to do with being more confident and not caring as much about what people think, if I remember right. Yes, I think it's true. Of course, as 35 is nearing, I'm not so excited about that birthday either...but then I think, why? My 30's have been great. In fact, when I look back, they've been amazing! Okay maybe they didn't start off amazing....since I broke up with my boyfriend of close to two years (a few weeks after turning 30...ouch!). That was hard. But, as hard as it was, I was proud of myself for having followed what I believed God was asking me to do, stepping out in faith, and letting go of a relationship so dear. In retrospect, that relationship was stressful and instead of making me a better, more confident person, it made me weak. That's not God's plan for my life.

Then, within a few months, I completed my first ever marathon (and you can't even believe how shocking this is considering I spent my whole life hating running...and I'm still not a real fan of it, but I've discovered there is no shame in power walking much of a marathon). Six months later, completed marathon #2 - and probably ran 1/3 of it! That was a lesson in knowing that if you put your mind to it, it's amazing what you can accomplish (Brings to mind a verse - "I can do all things through Him who stengthens me." Philippians 4:13).

I also decided to go for that career change I so desired, to become a school counselor, and entered a credential and master's program. Four years of hard work while keeping a full time job, but I finally get to walk with that master's degree this June! It feels so good.

For my 31st birthday, I bought myself a condo that I love near a lake, looking out at the highest peak in Orange County - I call it "my mountain", which I have also hiked up three times now. I did a half marathon shortly after that. Adopted a dog (child) who has been one of the best things for me ever.

At 32 I decided to learn Spanish so through listening to podcasts of a Scottish man in my car (I had lots of time driving to and from Riverside for classes), I worked on my Spanish and then set out over Christmas and New Years to two weeks of free language school (thanks to my school field trip to DC/NY with students) in Costa Rica. That was incredible. A good learning experience....it was a test of faith and maturity to hang around a bunch of 18-24 year old Europeans who loved to enjoy the Costa Rican coastal party atmosphere. I don't understand the clubbing thing...and blame it on my age or whatever, it's not for me. Traveling alone is something I conquered in my 20's in Europe, but traveling in a developing country that doesn't speak English was another adventure for my 30's.

After ten years of teaching high school, I was displaced. Another shock and another rough road, but I had to know that God had a different path for me. I ended up at the lowest performing middle school in Orange County. Not an easy year, in fact maybe my hardest teaching ever, but somehow, easier to get through in my 30's than it was in my 20's. I'm still there, but I found my voice in advocating for the youth in this tough area taking some risks that I believe are so worth it in order to stand up for what is right.

The age of 33 saw some more testing of my faith - mostly my theology - when I dated a guy who eventually I realized was involved in a cult like church. Again...a tough test of faith but a reinvigoration for knowing why I believe what I believe and knowing God's got my back is always a good thing. Letting that one go was hard, but also so easy knowing the peace that comes with doing what is right.

Then came the opportunity to take on my biggest physical challenge yet...climb Mt. Whitney, the tallest peak in the 48 states at 14, 505 ft. I trained and did another half marathon, and then a whole marathon hiking through the woods of the bay area (by myself part of the time but not alone...again...God's got my back). Then came the actual climb just after I turned 34. One of the scariest climbs I'd ever done (okay, no panic attacks like I had on the Devil's Steps almost to the top of Half Dome at 31...but that's just because I've learned how to control them better - believe me, there were a few panic attacks ready to rear their ugly heads a few times on that hike as I looked out over there valleys to my east or my west and saw the vast drops or the huge boulders sitting precariously around me). Also one of the hardest. It starts to get really hard to breath about 12,000-13,000 feet up. My muscles weren't nearly as bad as my lungs...but one certainly impacts the other. Still, with my brothers to help support me and keep me going (wouldn't have made it without them), I made it to the top. One of my proudest moments ever....but one that this height fearing girl will not repeat.

I also met an amazing guy and started to date him - a guy who doesn't stress me out or break me down but takes care of me when I'm sick (which has been a hallmark of 34 so far...there goes my pride over my amazing immune system...), a guy who is incredibly thoughtful and caring and encourages me spiritually and respects me just the way I am. It's so refreshing. Not what I expected, but then I think that's kind of been my 30's. Doing what is not expected but being surprised at the immense blessings that come from trusting God and stepping out to take some risks that I never would have dreamed of in my 20's.

So, 35....you don't scare me....I'm looking foward to what you have to bring!

Singles Scorecard

Miss Adventure

This post was sent to me by Miss Interpret. Really funny and a lot that a single person who attends church can relate to (and hopefully laugh at)...

Surviving Church as a Single

We already knew it, but here's the data...

By Miss Adventure

I know that I, along with other females, have frequently asked, "Where are the men?" They certainly don't seem to be at church. Those of us who are hoping to find that strong, godly, Christian man seem to be at something of a loss. Especially, I think, those of us in our 30's. These men are either married already or MIA.

I heard a staggering statistic the other morning as I listened to a Christian pastor preaching on the radio while I drove to work. The statistic dealt with children growing up and continuing as church attendees in their adulthood. It said that if both parents are regular church attendees, the 72% of children were likely to continue. It drops to 55% if it is just the father that attends church and get this....it drops all the way to 15% if it is just the mother attending church.

Now, I know statistics can be skewed and twisted around, but after a tiny bit of further research I did find some other articles that supported the idea that the father's impact was greater on children attending church than the mother. Regardless of what the real numbers are, this only supports my reasons why I would want to marry a man who holds the same beliefs I do so that my children will have both parents as a positive role model. That brings me back to my question of where are those men? I'm not finding them at church!

I came across this website that states that the church is made up of 61% women and 39% men. Again, I don't know how accurate or specific their data is, but as I said women, we already know the men aren't there. Sorry it's not better news.

I wouldn’t have traded this for the world

By Miss Demeanor

It’s been over 6 months since I last posted on this blog. Time flies! This has been a busy year, with a new city, new apartment, new job, new church… a new life in many ways.

I realize, though, that I never finished my story about the blessings on the back end of my obedience over a year ago. Sometimes, I think the blessings that God gives us are not obvious. Sure, we see blessings, but not necessarily in direct correlation to something we said or did correctly. We have faith that God is at work, and that He has good plans for us. But we don’t clearly see the blessing that is a result of our obedience. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to see a blessing that is a direct result of our obedience. A blessing in the exact same area of life. I don’t think it happens very often, but it does happen sometimes. And when it happens, we need to burn it into our hearts and minds so we can recall it when we need a boost of faith.

For me, I haven’t had to “burn” this blessing into my mind or heart, because I see him every day and he makes my heart sing. I am a lucky girl indeed.

So here is the rest of the story that I started telling earlier this year. I was finally obedient to God and told “the other guy” that I couldn’t see him anymore. And I meant it. It’s been over a year now, and I don’t really talk to him though I still pray for his salvation when I think of him. Within days of breaking off that relationship (because he didn’t share my faith), I was on vacation with a very good friend of mine. We had planned the trip several months in advance, and the reason for the trip was to use some Disney World passes that we had purchased together some 5 years earlier. When I landed in Orlando (we flew in from different cities so he landed hours before me), I informed him that I had broken it off with “the other guy” and I just needed to have a fun time. He agreed that we’d focus on having a nice weekend, and it was already off to a great start with the beautiful 2-bedroom condo he had for us.

The four days we spent in Orlando were fantastic, in spite of some challenging circumstances. The weather was HOT. It was already October, but it was in the upper 90s with high humidity the entire time we were there. The parks were busy, and everyone was moving s l o w l y because of the heat. Our luggage was lost (long story), he had to take an overnight flight from the west coast through JFK and down, and we missed the shuttle so many times that I lost count. Even in the midst of conditions that should have made us cranky, we had a wonderful vacation. We laughed, we smiled, and we generally enjoyed each other’s company.

I won’t bore you with the details, but there was a point at the end of our trip when we realized that, after 6 years of knowing each other (most of which we’d been good friends), we felt like perhaps there should be something more. He said something like “You know I’ve been praying that God would make me into the man I need to be in order to be worthy of the kind of wife I want.” (Yes, I did know that, and it’s a wonderful prayer to be praying.) He continued, “You’re one of my best friends and I can’t imagine anyone else who I could have had as much fun with this weekend, especially with everything that happened.” (Yes, we did have a good time.) But then he threw me for a loop, “I realize that you have all the characteristics and qualities I want in a wife, so why aren’t we dating?”

We discussed the challenges of dating one of your best friends, someone who lives 400 miles away, and other things that were important. And ultimately, we decided that we’d give it a shot. He teases me now that I needed some convincing, but the reality is that it didn’t take much. Looking back, I realize that there is no other explanation than God for how we both started having romantic feelings for each other at the same time after literally years of never having any such feelings. (That’s right, at no time in those nearly 6 years had either of us had romantic feelings for the other person. People doubt it, but it’s the truth.)

When I split up with “the other guy,” one of my closet friends laughed when I relayed to her that I told him he might be “Satan’s A Game,” but she also agreed. She prayed with me that God would give me the strength to make the right decision and be obedient, and she prayed that He would bless my obedience. That prayer rang in my ears the following week, as I embarked on a new journey with a man who had previously been one of my very good friends.

Today, that man is my best friend. Next week, we celebrate a year of dating. That year has been full of goodness, and in a year ripe with tests on both sides, we have been the bright spot for each other. Of course, our relationship isn’t perfect because we’re both imperfect people, but our relationship is the healthiest, best relationship either of us have ever had in our combined 35 years of dating. Amidst a variety of trials, I am learning (slowly) to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and he’s helping me to do that. He clearly possesses the 7 non-negotiable qualities I wrote down almost 6 years ago, and he doesn’t have any of my 7 dealbreakers. Even better, he has many of the traits that I wanted to put on my “list” but had to remove as I whittled it down to 7 and 7. God has given me everything I need, and even things I desire. (And by the way, he had a journal in which he described the woman he was seeking, and I fit the bill even though he didn’t see it in me for 6 years!)

I admire his spiritual leadership. He holds my hands and initiates prayer with me. He prays for friends of mine he’s never even met, because he knows they are on my heart. Although our backgrounds are different (he was raised in a Christian home, I came to know Jesus in my mid-20s; he prefers smaller churches, and I grew up spiritually in a mega-church; he likes order & structure in service and I tend to shy away from structured services), he found a church that we both enjoy and he invited me to join him at that church. He picks me up at my apartment every Sunday morning and we go to church together, where he puts his arm around my shoulders and keeps me warm. Although he grew up in a church where life groups and small groups didn’t exist, he spent time at our church’s leadership class one night last week to learn more about leading one of the life groups for men.

And I would have sacrificed all of this to be with “the other guy”? It seems crazy now, but that’s precisely what I would have done if I hadn’t obeyed God last year. Spiritual intimacy in a relationship is critical, and I was so ready to desert that need. It’s such a good reminder to me that God’s ways are so much better than my ways (Isaiah 55:9). That I need to abandon my desires and trust that God has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). That the race is not to the swift (Ecclesiastes 9:11). And how thankful I am that God’s purposes prevail despite my plans (Proverbs 19:21).

I’m not sure whether this whole “blessings on the back end of obedience” lesson would be better if it wasn’t about a romantic relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man I’m with and I am incredibly thankful to God that He continues to do exceedingly, abundantly more than I can ask (Ephesians 3:20). But it feels so trite and awkward to be writing about this on a blog for 30-something singles. At the same time, maybe it will be helpful to someone. God certainly blesses our obedience in life, but I find that 30-something singles tend to struggle especially in the romantic arena. So if that’s you, I pray that you will be obedient to God’s call on your life, trusting Him even when it doesn’t make sense. And I pray that you, too, will find abundant blessings on the back end of your obedience to Him.

If Only Fairy Tales Could Come True

By Miss Adventure

You know, as a little girl I always loved fairy tales because the handsome young prince would come and rescue the beautiful young princess. Now that I am older, I still love fairy tales and wish I were one of those princesses. Today, though, my biggest reason for wishing that is because I was just thinking about the ability both Cinderella and Snow White had to sing a little song and get all the little animals to come out and help her clean the house and in within a few minutes - it was sparkling once more. About the closest thing I have to that is dropping food on the floor and my dog, Hannah, coming to clean it up with her tongue or ants marching through my kitchen to feast on whatever crumbs may be about. Not quite what I had in mind.

If only fairy tales (or at least the Disney version) could come true....